Inside Out and Turning Tragedy Into Purpose | Grace Laubenthal

0:00 I mean, I think at that point, I just knew my whole entire life had flipped upside down, and I had no idea what that truly meant for me yet. Joy says, oh, sadness, I have a super important job just for you. And Joy says, mm -hmm, follow me. This is the circle of sadness. Your job is to make sure that all the sadness stays inside of it. I think a lot of us shove our emotions, we shove our sadness because A, we think it's a distraction, B, we don't want to feel it, or C, we just want to ignore it. I never got the opportunity to really learn who I was and to just be the person that I wanted to be because I was so scared because I didn't feel safe enough to really show the world who I was living back home. And by leaning into these parts of me, just like emotions, I've been able to work through them, to see them, to greet them with love and compassion. And I've been able to create this different story for myself. For anything to change, the only thing that needs to change is you. You're the one in the driver's seat. You have the power and it's your decision. Welcome to Yes and Land, where we say yes to the reality of yesterday and today. And we say and to the possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow. Welcome back to another episode of Yes and Land. Very excited today about our guests, getting opportunity to talk to, man, an up and comer, right? Someone who's really making some waves, making some waves

1:32 in the Utah real estate market. But more than that has, you know, a really inspirational story about what we do with tragedy, what we do with hard times in life, and how we can use a mindset shift. to look at things in a different way and then to create the life that we want. And so super excited to dive into that topic today with Grace Lewenthal. So Grace, thank you for being on today. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm super excited. So before we dive into more of the heart of your story, let's take it all the way back. You're from Iowa, right? Yep. So tell for us in Utah, we may not know a lot about Iowa. Tell us, what is it like growing up in Iowa? What's Iowa like? Well, Iowa, it's very homey. Okay.

2:20 It's definitely not like Utah. You don't have the mountains. It's very flat. Clearer air. Yeah, our air here is not great. Not great. Right? That's something I didn't know. Yeah. Do you have issues with the air here? Does it ever cause you any kind of like allergies or hay fever? It did at first. Yeah. Yeah, it did at first. And now I'm pretty used to it. Is it humid in Iowa? Super. Yeah. Which is, again, opposite of here. Yeah. So dry and arid. Yeah. Which I actually appreciate the dry heat in the summers. I mean, for sure. Yeah. Right? You can get in the shade. You're like, wow, it's like 20 degrees cooler in the shade. This is terrific. Yeah. It's great. So growing up, Iowa, it's flat, not a lot of mountains. What was it like? What was it like growing up, going to school? You have siblings? Yep. I have two young. Two younger siblings. So you're the oldest. I'm the oldest.

3:13 Yeah. Tell tell tell me what your perspective is on being the oldest. What's that like? Yeah, I think I loved being the oldest. And I really think you truly do set the example for your younger siblings and you lead the way because they're always watching. Yeah. And so it was super interesting to have younger siblings throughout the course of my life because they've seen me grow from, you know, when they were young to where I am now. What's the age gap? So my brother, he's 19, so two years younger. My sister is 16. Okay. So not too big of a spread between you. Five years really between the three of you. So you guys were pretty closely grouped together, did a lot of things together. Were you pretty tight with your siblings growing up? Yeah, I would say we were pretty close, and we were also very busy. We all played sports. So as a family, we were close, but we also all had our own things at the same time, which was pretty cool. Yeah.

4:08 Yeah. Your parents, are they originally from Iowa, born and raised in Iowa? Yep. Yep. Both of them were from the Northwest Iowa area. So about four hours from where I grew up. They're still back there in Iowa? Mm -hmm. Yep. Hanging out, loving life? Yep. Exactly. Like missing you, like, oh, Grace is in Utah. Yeah. Have they come out to visit you at all? Yes, they have. They have. And? And they loved it. Good. Yeah. And they're coming again in September, which I'm super excited about. And what are you going to take them to do? What are the Utah things y 'all are going to do? Well, my mom and I are going to do a High Rocks together. Oh man. Yeah. Oh man. Look, I don't, I don't know exactly what high rocks is, but it's everywhere, right? Yeah. It's fun. So you love it. I do. And your mom's into it. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. It's going to be her first one. So she's so excited. Okay.

4:51 And she's like hardcore training right now. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be intense. It is. Okay. But it's also super fun. Is it like, do you see this? I'm just totally a rookie at this. They're like high rocks classes you go to. Is it, is it like CrossFit in that sense of like. You go do high rocks. And if you want to do competition, you're going to those classes to prepare for that. Is it like that? Yes, it is in a way. And you can also train alone. So my first high rocks that I did, I trained primarily by myself and with a group of people, not with a class. But there are classes as well, which I would totally recommend. Okay. And so we're going to have a lesson on high rocks. Yeah, exactly. I love it.

5:31 But we're going to do it because I'm just really curious. Yeah. So with high rocks. Like what is, what is it? Like it's some kind of race. Is it similar to like these races where it's like Spartan and that kind of stuff? Or what is it? It's kind of similar. I like to compare it most to CrossFit, if you will. But essentially there's eight different exercises. And before each exercise, you run a thousand meters. And what I love about High Rocks is you're not really competing against everyone else. I mean, you can, there are, you do get placed, right? But at the end of the day, it's just a race you against yourself to get the best time that you can. And so what I really loved about it is just the training and to just push myself past my limits and throughout the whole race, it was just me against me, which I loved. Yeah. What are the different? exercise circuits that you do. You said there's eight?

6:27 Yep. So there's eight. So you start by running and then a thousand meter ski machine. Like an erg? Yep. The ski erg. Thousand meters. Those are tough. Yeah. Super. Yeah. Yeah. At least you get those done in the first one. And then you have sled push and sled pull for two and three, which in my opinion is the hardest ones because they blow out your legs and you're so early on in the race. Yep. Yeah. And then you have the rower for 1 ,000 meters. And you have a 200 -meter farm carry. And then you have lunges. And then you have 100 ball balls to finish it off. Oh, see, that would be my least favorite. Yeah. Wall balls. Oh, my goodness. Those are tough. And you have judges. So if you don't get low enough, they won't count your reps. So for anyone listening, make sure you get low enough.

7:15 Okay, so here's the question. Will they make exceptions? I'm asking for a very specific reason. Probably depends on the judge. Because, so I did a little bit of CrossFit just for fun. I never did a competition, but I've got terrible knee problems. And it came from a surgery that I had when I was in the MTC. And basically the type of surgery they did to repair the problem I had tightened the tendons. And so over the last, well, it's been a long time. Maybe I won't admit how long, 20 plus years. It's worn down. So that between my kneecap and my knee cavity, there's no cartilage left at all. Interesting. And so my doctor said, like, you cannot in any exercise at all bend your knee past 90. Really?

7:59 Which for CrossFit is a no dice, right? Like, I'm doing CrossFit. They want you going low, right? Your butt's back touching the ground. And so I would have to go into class and be like, I'm not supposed to go beyond this. And then they would, like, forget. And then they'd be like, go lower. And I'm like, I can't. I can't. So I end up stopping because like, you know, the expectations you go lower because it is a better workout. Like there's no question. It's a better burn when you go lower. Totally. But if I keep doing it, like I'm going to have a knee replacement sooner rather than give myself five to 10 years, right? Oh my gosh. So I'm like, man, I don't know if I can do a real competition that way. Maybe they would not make exceptions for me, but. Yeah, that's actually a great question. Slackers like me, right? Yeah. Won't go low enough. Come on. I know. Come on. You do feel like a punk, right? You're like, oh, I'm totally like dogging it over here. Not going low. Blaming the knee. I know. We're like, I swear it's a knee. I swear. It was like this guy, this guy.

8:49 Well, so that's really fun that you and your mom were doing that together. Did you guys do other things together? Like growing up? Are you guys pretty tight? Yeah. Me and my mom were super, super close growing up. And I would say we did so much together. We traveled. sports. Um, I would say my parents were very involved in all of our lives. Um, they were our biggest cheerleaders, our biggest fans. Um, and so we spent a lot of time together growing up. Yeah. Good. Yeah. Um, well, so one of the things that we're going to take a look at today is we're gonna take a look at some, some life lessons from the movie inside out. Right. Um, and so as we kind of dive into more of your story, And we'll take a look and kind of compare and contrast that with some things that we kind of learned from Inside Out. Set the stage, if you would, about Inside Out and kind of what's going on in this wonderful. disney movie right this is just a gem it's an absolute jam it is so kind of set the stage for it just in case somebody hasn't watched it or at least not watched it recently like what's the overarching story going on in inside out yeah so um essentially an inside out um what i love about it and i actually got to re -watch it on the plane the other week it was perfect um but what i love about inside out is that I am blanking on the main character's name right now. Riley. Riley is the main character of the movie. And inside of her brain, we have different emotions. We have joy. We have sadness.

10:18 There's disgust. There's anger. And what I love throughout the movie is it really shows how all of the emotions work together. And there can't be one that overpowers the other. And I just think that's so important. And it's crazy that Disney movies can. teach us such beautiful lessons. But that's the one thing that I love most about it. And what I found really interesting in learning more about this movie after it came out, because it came out a number of years ago, was actually how much research the writers did in understanding what's going on in psychology of really the human mind, but also specifically kids and teenagers during those years. But the same thing applies to us, which is why in the movie you also see like the dad's brain and the mom's brain and like what's going on there. And I do think you bring up a great point, which is definitely part of where we want to take the arc of this story, which is kind of the interplay between these emotions. And because initially, like Joy's running the show, right? Like she is in charge. She's running the show. In fact, I even have a quote that I want to ask you about. Yeah, I love it.

11:21 So at the very beginning, when Joy is running the show and she's, you know, not super excited about what sadness is doing and bringing it to the table, they have this exchange. Joy says, Oh, sadness. I have a super important job just for you. And sadness says, really? And joy says, follow me. And they're perfect. This is the circle of sadness. Your job is to make sure that all the sadness stays inside of it. Right. And so, you know, I think it's just funny exchange, right? It's this cute, funny exchange at the beginning of the movie. There's obviously layers deeper. Totally. So when we think about that, about. You know, how do you see that applying to what we sometimes do with our emotions that maybe doesn't serve us well? Oh, that's a great question.

12:07 And I feel like that quote actually sets this up perfectly. But my experience with our emotions is that in order for them to go, they need to be felt first. And I think a lot of us shove our emotions, we shove our sadness because A, we think it's a distraction. B, we don't want to feel it. or C, we just want to ignore it. And I think when we do one of those three things, it just keeps it inside and it gets pushed inside of your head. It stays in your body and you never allow it to pass through to really open up all of the other emotions that you want to feel as well. That's really well said. It's such a good depiction in this movie of what that is. Something that we all... do at times exactly um and we might think that it's like in the interest of self -preservation or like oh no that's what i've got to do it's like a survival mechanism and and the reality is it does not serve us well because ultimately as we saw here like said this doesn't stay in the circle exactly uh shinji just becoming super disruptive because joy is just trying to keep her inside that circle exactly so when we when we take a look at some things that um you've experienced i'm gonna kind of dive into this is that okay yeah of course um and and i know like i've i've i've heard you on your podcast and some other podcasts and so i know that you've been very gracious to people to share like what was a really hard time in your life and i want to be really sensitive that right um but i also think it's really helpful

13:39 for people to hear somebody going through something that was really really hard totally um and how that affected your life at that time and then how you built such a beautiful life from that from that time. And so if you wouldn't mind kind of setting the stage for kind of this, what I would estimate is the hardest thing you've gone through in your life. Is that fair? Is that what you would say? It's got to be, right? It's got to be. So maybe set the stage for us a little bit. I think you're working at that time. You were 16 years old, right? And so maybe set the stage for us and kind of walk us through what happened. And I'll have some additional questions of like just trying to understand a little bit more that's there and kind of what you're experiencing so we can really start to see and learn from you on how you process through those things.

14:28 Yeah, that's great. Well, I'll sum it up super as quick as I can. It's kind of a big story. And you don't have to, right? Yeah, totally. We can go as long as it feels. authentic or good for you in this story. Right. Because you can make it faster if you need to. Right. But if you need to take your time, take your time. Hey, awesome. Well, thank you. And I'm excited to share my story with you all. So I was 16 years old on my way to work. I was working at a protein shake and tea shop. And I was on my work on my way to work at 5 a .m. And I have driven on the same road for. years, right? Two years, I guess I should say, because I had my school permit.

15:12 And it was 5am. And I remember I was running a little bit late to work. And about, you know, three minutes into my drive, I hit something. And I remember calling my mom, obviously, you hit something. So you slam on your brakes. And I remember stopping my car. calling my mom, like, mom, I hit something, but I just had like this horrible gut feeling in my body. I was just like, this does not feel good. And I think, obviously, you get in a crash, you don't know what's happened yet, right? But I remember saying, hey, I'm going to go walk back, but it doesn't feel good. And so I remember walking back, maybe about 10 feet, I can't fully remember. And I remember seeing a bicyclist on the ground. laying on the ground.

16:02 And I remember saying to my mom, oh my gosh, mom, it's a biker. And a lot of that morning was a blur. But what I can remember is my mom was at the gym. So she was like, I will be right there. And I remember there was a car behind me that ended up stopping. And there was a different car coming the other way that ended up stopping. I believe she was in like a white truck. And so we called 911. We gave him CPR. Can't say how long it was, but before you know it, there's an ambulance, there's lights, there's police cars. And I just remember sitting here shaking and I get the chills as I'm speaking. I'm like, what has just happened? So you're, I mean, I just can't, can't even imagine what that's like, you know? How are you processing it? I mean, it's like you said, it's a blur. Like, where does your head go? Where do your emotions go as you're ultimately end up leaving the scene of that? You go back home, I assume, is where you go at that point in time. What are you kind of experiencing in those moments? Yeah, so I didn't go straight home. My mom and I ended up going into a police car and headed to the Coralville Police Station, which was my hometown. And I remember, I think I was just scared. I think

17:34 I was just terrified. I think I was confused. I think I was sad. Like I know as I'm talking right now, like I'm feeling probably what's most alive is sadness. But I think I just remember saying to my mom, Because I went through a few things before this, like struggling with mental health a little bit. Thought I was getting better. And I was like, Mom, I just have a feeling things are going to get a lot worse. And I was like, this isn't going to be good. And so, I mean, I think at that point, I just knew my whole entire life had flipped upside down. And I had no idea what that truly meant for me yet. Sure. So at that point in time, the ambulance had come. They took him to the hospital, I'm assuming. How long before he ultimately passed away? Yeah. So I remember really the only thing on my mind wasn't really me for a lot of the process. It was, is he alive? Yeah. Like, is he okay? Yeah. What's going on? And I didn't find out a ton of information that day or the following day. And I do remember like the only thing I was asking, is he okay?

18:45 Is he alive? Like what happened? And I remember a couple of days later, I was in the car with my mom. And finally, I'm like, mom, can you please tell me, like, is he alive? You know, because I could just feel it. And she was like, honey, he passed away. And I just remember, like, I just went into shock, like bawling, you know, because. I was like, oh my gosh, like my actions have caused someone to pass away. And so it was just an emotion, like an experience that I can't say, like I can't replay over again, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, you're, you're, you're, you find this out, you find this information out. And then if I remember correctly, I think at some point in time too, you guys made the wise decision of just trying to contact counsel and just get an idea of like, okay, what are we looking at here? What are the possibilities? What should we prepare for? What was that experience like? I mean, as you know, I'm an attorney, right? And I know people are calling us in their darkest hours, right? In the times that are really, really difficult.

20:07 So what was that experience like as you're trying to get advice from counsel and trying to figure things out? get information, being aware of what to expect? Yeah, that's a great question. So what I will say is the day of my accident, once I left the police station, they just advised me to just go on with my daily life to try and live as normally as I could. And that was for about a month. And throughout this month, we were advised by some family friends, you should probably lawyer up. Um, luckily I had great parents and they did take care of a lot for me. They helped obviously me find a lawyer. Um, and I just remember being like, why do I need a lawyer?

20:47 Why are lawyers getting involved? Like I didn't have the full understanding of, I guess, like how deep this was in that aspect, if that makes sense. I just, you don't know what you don't know. Yeah. You have no idea you're 16 years old. Yeah, exactly. And so I was just scared. I didn't know who to trust. I just didn't know what that meant. But I do remember talking to him for the first time. Tell me everything. Like, here's what we know. Here are the worst possible case scenarios. So we did go through it. We were like, okay, court, you could get charged. You could go put in, be put in like a woman's facility or juvie, right? They kind of went over all of the worst case. And we're like, we don't think this will happen, but like we're preparing you for the worst. And so it just put me in a constant state of fear. Which is hard, right? Because what's interesting is I advise clients about things in divorce, right? I have to be real with them. You have to give them those like possibilities of things that could happen. And I'm not ignorant to the fact that that can cause quite a bit of stress. Because it's hard, right? Like when you go through something hard, I think we all naturally want to just know that it's going to be okay.

22:00 Everything's going to be rosy and great. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes there's going to be some hard things that happen, some hard choices that have to be made or some harsh things that we have to face. So ultimately, what ended up happening? Yeah. So what ended up happening was I was at track practice. Before track practice, I did my normal morning. So I went to work. I went to work out and then I went to track practice. And we started track practice inside, which I thought was weird because it wasn't raining. And my coach was acting a little weird, didn't really think anything of it. But then after we broke out, he was like, hey, Grace, the office needs you. I'm like, OK, you know, it's probably my grades like school isn't my first priority at this point. But I remember I walked into the office and I walked into the conference room with four police officers. And. I just like my stomach dropped and I knew one of them and he was holding a phone with his bag. And so I was like, what's going on? You know, what are we doing here? And they're like, you're coming with us. And I'm like, well, where are we going? And they explained to me that I was going to go to get my fingerprints done to the sheriff's department.

23:18 And then I was going to go to the detention center in Cedar Rapids. And I was like, does my mom know? Like she just dropped me off. Like, you know, I was just like flustered. I was like, can I call my mom? Can I call my lawyer? Like you don't really know what to do when you're 16. You don't know how to respond. Adults don't know how to respond. Yeah. When you're faced with that situation. Yeah. Yeah. No idea what to do. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And so ultimately they were like, you need to come outside with us. And I was like, well, can I call my mom? And so ultimately we ended up all five of us walking outside. I got in the car with two of them. And they did end up calling my mom when I was in the car and he was standing outside of the window and she didn't answer the first time. And I was like, well, she doesn't know the number. Like she just dropped me off. She's still in her car. Can we please call again? And so I just remember finally she answered and I just broke out into tears. And I was like, mom, like this is what's happening. And talked for maybe 20, 30 seconds. And then I was on my way.

24:20 Which had to be. A lot. It was a lot. When you're that age. What was that like for you with your peers and those that you were around when you're kind of going through this? Yeah, well, it was tricky, you know, because the whole community ended up finding out about the accident and ended up being a big thing in our community. And so I didn't feel a lot of support. at all yeah but i did feel supported by my family and the people i was around um however it's also embarrassing like when your old older sister has an ankle monitor and your daughter and your friend right um but i would say also like the people that i did find throughout that summer like they supported me on big time like it didn't matter to them if that makes sense yeah i mean When you go through those hard things in life, it tends to separate out those who truly care about you and those that don't. And what did you find as the differentiating factor for those who stuck with you and stuck by your side and supported you and those who didn't? What did you learn from that or what did you see as the difference between those that did and those that didn't? What I learned was that Those that did love me for who I was, they showed it. And what I mean by that is I'm a firm

25:52 believer in energy over actions and actions over words. Because people can say things, right? But their actions are really going to show you how they feel, right? And so what I would say is the people that were in my life or the people that did come into my life that summer, they really showed up big for me. There wasn't much I had to offer at that point because throughout all of it, I wasn't really sure how I should feel, which we can get into. Like, you don't know how to feel because you can't act too happy or else people will think you don't care what happened. You can't act too sad or else your family is worried for your safety. You can't be destructive because then you're going to fit into. you know, the monster, right? And so you're kind of just in this position where you're like, I don't know how to feel because I'm also not the victim here, you know, and I'm alive, right?

26:57 So he wasn't. And so it was just very hard to know how to feel and how to show up, I would say. When did you start to get some clarity on that? What was the inflection point or the turning point where you started to feel like you could start to embrace the way you felt in certain moments without having to worry so much about being judged or other people worrying about how you felt? I would say I don't know if there was like a certain moment because even reflecting back on that summer and reflecting on my journey since then. I think there was always parts of me that I just showed up how I was. Sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I was sad. Sometimes I'd have a good laugh. Right. And so I think I did when I was comfortable show up in my authentic self. Right. But I think, you know, especially for my parents, sometimes that was maybe a little hard to hold. You know what I mean? Like, I think throughout all of it, I think I knew I was going to be OK. I knew I was going to get through it, even if some days I was like, I can't do this anymore. But I think, too, like the people who loved me most also worried about me so much, which just ended up being production. You know what I mean? Absolutely. So, you know, you're going through these things. Do you ever feel

28:27 like, was part of it you felt guilty if you were too happy? Totally. Yeah. which is so hard because that thing happened. You paid a consequence for it. You did what you're supposed to, and you've got to be, and you're entitled to move forward with life, which is really hard. So you go through these things. You end up, I think you did ankle monitor, right? You have probation until you're 18. And then at that point in time. What did that look like? Did you end up going back to school? Did you end up doing remote school? What did you end up doing there? Yeah, so I ended up staying online school for the rest of my high school experience, partially because COVID happened when I was a freshman, so it was an option. And so I was just like, I'm not going to go back, you know? I get it. Yeah. I totally get it. That was probably a good decision for you. Yeah, totally.

29:21 With the people that were closest to you, what did you find? were helpful things that they said? And what did you find were not? And here's why I ask, let me set the stage for a little bit. When I've talked to a number of other people going through really hard things in life, I've always just found it very educational for me to know like, hey, what actually helps in those moments? What can somebody say or do that makes a difference? And what isn't? And I'm always surprised by the things that aren't because I've said similar things. Totally. Thinking I'm doing good. Right. And it's like super not helpful. Exactly. So what was that like for you? What things were said that were helpful? And then on the other hand, what things were said by people with good intentions that were really not helpful?

30:06 Yeah, totally. That's actually a great question. And my answer actually might be a little bit different. Good. We want different. Yeah, we love different. And I would say a lot of times it wasn't what they said. I think it's just how you showed up, like how the people showed up. Because there's some times where I didn't want to talk. I just want the company or I just don't want to talk about what has happened. Right. You know, because. what i went through was so unique it's not something that a lot of my friends or peers or parents or family really even could relate to um granted we all had our own experiences throughout this time um but a lot of times i actually didn't always want advice um because and this was probably like the anger in me i'm like you can't relate um because you aren't the one in my shoes right now like i do remember saying that um and while that may be true um i know have more awareness i'm like okay but they also have their own experiences um throughout this as well um and so for me a lot of times i just wanted people to listen or someone to just cry to you know what i mean uh -huh so you know i mean let's let's go take it to inside out yeah because obviously you know riley had vastly different experience but i think what the lesson part of the lesson here is what the emotions are that we experience right because In Riley's story, what we see is she's in, I

31:37 believe, Minnesota. She plays hockey, right? And then her parents have to move because her dad, I think, gets a new job. Exactly. They were kind of staying there and they moved to San Francisco. And so she's experiencing these emotions of some loss, right? Loss of her friends, loss of her hockey team, her school that she was in. And she's, and this, this sadness inside of her is really wanting to break free from that circle. And, and it seems like in the way that it plays out, some of, some of it, she's kind of denying that for a while, like not embracing those emotions. There's one exchange there where they're kind of asking her about her first day of school, right? She goes to school finally and kind of here's the exchange. Her mom says, so big day, new school, new friends, huh? And Riley's response, it was fine, I guess. I don't know. But she's just kind of like, I'm not going to deal with it. I'm not prepared. I'm not even willing to acknowledge good or bad about it. Like, I'm over it. I don't even want to talk about it. Right?

32:38 Is that kind of what you're experiencing sometimes where it's like, I don't even want to talk about it. Don't ask me about it. Like, I don't want to talk. Yeah, totally. Totally. I think I did that a lot. Right? Don't get me wrong. I did feel my feelings. And there was many days that I cried. But there were also a lot of days that I pushed it off because it felt too heavy to feel. Before we jump back in, can I ask you a quick favor? If you're enjoying the journey so far, will you like, rate, and subscribe to our show? It helps us reach more people like you. We can design and create and build the most wonderful place in the world, but it takes people to make the dream a reality. What's your advice to people going through hard times in life where they're struck with that, right? Of like, if it's just, if you just go feel it, you just feel it every single day and then it becomes wallowing as opposed to just feeling the emotions versus trying to find the times to feel it and the times to try to pass it and feel something else. Yeah, that's a great question. And it's making you think this is good. Yeah, it is making me think. I'm like, what direction do I want to go? Because I don't have good answers here. That's why I was really curious because I'm like, I don't know. I don't know how you do it because, you know, we're taught so many times these days that like you've got to feel the emotions. You can't hide them. You can't put them away. You have to feel them. At some point in time, you have to also move past them. Exactly. And then feel something different.

34:10 Yeah, exactly. And I think when you go through something so heavy, our brains are actually the one that tries to block us off from feeling. our brains are the ones telling us you're fine. You're fine. Just keep going. Just keep going. But your heart and your body is, it wants to feel. And so, yes, you can push off your emotions. You can push off the sadness that you're feeling, but it's always going to be inside of you until you let it pass all of the way until you feel the sadness. And once you feel the sadness, Once you feel the emotion that you're feeling, it's just going to allow you to feel everything else even bigger as well. If that makes sense. So, you know, one of the things that we talked about in preparation for this episode is a little bit the way that mindset plays into things that we see and feel. So I've got a quote for you. Okay.

35:06 A non -movie quote. We're going to go with something I think that you like, which is Ed Milet. I love Ed Milet. Great. Yeah. And he said. The greatest obstacle to success is not external factors, but rather our own limiting beliefs. Change your mindset, change your life. And I think that's, I mean, I think that is your story. Totally. Right. So, so walk us through that. You go through this thing that's really hard. You have these days that are so hard. Can't just be sad all the time. So sometimes you have to not. And then at some. At some point, this shift happens where your mindset is different. You've been able to move past it. You're not discounting the fact that it was hard. You accepted that it was hard.

35:51 You accepted it happened. Kind of the core of our yes and. Yes, that happened. And I'm going to build a great life. Exactly. How did you do that? How I did that, it didn't happen overnight. And I think I do want to say that throughout. all of this. I did truly believe that it was happening for a reason and that it was calling me for something higher. And so I always believed that. And some days, yes, it was hard to believe. I'm like, why is this happening? Right. And I would say, I mean, it took years of therapy, of coaching with Jeremy. And what I would say, what really started The shift was just realizing, you know, once I made it past kind of a lot of the heavy stuff, like once I moved out, then I realized, oh, I have control over my life again.

36:51 And so it was kind of the independence that moving into my own apartment gave me. I was like, oh, I have control over my life again. And even though I have control over my life, again, I think a lot of things happen in life externally that make us feel like we don't have any power. And so I would say I've been exploring that concept for, you know, three plus years. So moving out certainly had sounds like a big impact. What impact did moving states have? How has that played a role in this journey of you building your new life? Yeah. So moving states. It's a big deal. It's a big move. It is a big deal. Iowa to Utah.

37:33 Yeah, it's wild. Super different. Yeah. Yeah. I would say, yeah, because before that, yeah, I just had moved to my apartment. And so even the difference of moving from home to my apartment and then from Iowa to Utah was wild because I remember saying a few things. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me. And I want to become the version of myself that I've always wanted to be. And what's super interesting is as I've moved, well, one, I did know my team moving here, but I truly am somewhere where no one knows me. And it's very different than living somewhere where you know everybody. And the be becoming who I've always wanted to be is a really beautiful opportunity.

38:23 Always the opportunity to really learn who I was and discover the things that I like to do and to just be the person that I wanted to be because I was so scared to be who I wanted to be because I didn't feel safe enough to really show the world who I was living back home. And this is this is part of. what I think is so beautiful about your story. Like, this is exactly it. And I came across this quote from Renee Brown that just really epitomized, I think, what we're talking about here. What she said was, I'm going to try not to get emotional on this. Why is this one hitting me, Grace? She said, when we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending. I love that.

39:23 And so for you, like what I'm hearing is you made this move, right? This move to Utah and you've been able though to still embrace it, which is why I think it's so, it's counterintuitive because one would think, okay, move to Utah, just get away from it, right? And then just leave that past in the past and then you'll never have to worry about it again because nobody here knows anything about it. But that's not what you did. It's not what you did because you're here today and you've been on other podcasts and you have your own podcast and you're doing other things and you're talking about your story. You're not hiding from it. How has that empowered you to be able to be the full version of yourself and bring goodness to other people? I love that.

40:09 I love that. And what I will say, what that quote reminded me of is that the key is, is you have to run to these parts of you. You can't hide from them because they're always going to be there. And what I have done is I have ran to these old parts of me. Moving to Utah has created the space for me to feel safe enough to lean into those parts of me. And by leaning into these parts of me, just like emotions, I've been able to work through them. to see them, to greet them with love and compassion. And I've been able to create this different story for myself. So it's so good. And, you know, in life, everybody has hard seasons and hard trials. And, you know, sometimes, I mean, what I think is the case, and maybe you can give your thoughts here on this, is sometimes we do need to have a little bit of an environment change. It doesn't have to be that we move all the way across the country.

41:07 It doesn't have to be that. It could be. Right. It could be, but sometimes you do have to move houses. Sometimes you've got to change jobs. Sometimes you've got to change friend groups so that you can feel safe. What have you found has been helpful for you in finding safe places, right? Safe groups, safe places to be able to... Be yourself, express who you are. Well, the funny thing is, is that I actually, yes, there are safe groups, there are safe places, but ultimately for anything to change, the only thing that needs to change is you. And in order for me to feel safe, it's not the other people, it's myself.

41:56 And so what it's shown me is that, you know, As I've moved, I've had a shift in my belief that it's not the other people, it's me. So I clearly feel safe in myself to show up this way in Iowa or to show up this way years ago, right? And so it started with me. And then by feeling safe within me, I've been able to open up to others and be able to let down my guard and be able to trust others and be a part of safer groups because I had a story that no one was safe. Nothing was safe. Only I was. But in reality, I didn't feel that way internally, which is why I showed up externally that way. Have you found that once you did that work on yourself and then you could be safe with others, have you found that that's helped empower others to feel safe enough where they can open up a little bit? Totally. Do you find that true? Yeah, totally. Because I mean, I have to imagine that it has. Yeah. I mean, just hearing the vulnerability in your story and you sharing it, to me, that empowers others.

43:05 It helps others feel like, look, if she's brave enough, maybe I've got it too. Maybe I can. Maybe I can not shy away from the fact that I sometimes feel that. Or that I struggle with certain things. Or that there are certain parts of me that are really tough. That I want to hide away and lock away and put in a little circle and not let out. But I can because if she's brave enough to, she's gone through something harder than I can. Exactly. So I think you also like Dan Sullivan. Is that right? Yeah. Another quote from him, which is just perfectly on point. And it just really highlights exactly what you're saying. He said, everything in life happens for you. Exactly. Not to you. So when we look at that shift. What does that shift do for people holding themselves back?

43:52 What does that do for people who have not been able to embrace maybe what their potential is? Yeah. Well, what I love about that quote is when you say everything happens to me, that puts you in victim mode and that takes away your power. Whereas when you say everything happens for me, you're the one in the driver's seat. You're the one, you have the power and it's your decision. Anything in life is really your decision. And so what I love about that quote is that it just shows people the differences. Really, there's like two voices in your head, right? You got the victim side and you've got the one where you're taking the control. And it's just like, which one are you going to choose? Because at the end of the day, it's no one else deciding.

44:39 It's you deciding. And it's what I find so interesting too about this is. We hear that. And academically, I think most people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens for me. Yeah. And then when something really hard happens, they're the exception. Right. Or it can't possibly be that way. Of course, I'm the victim. Right. And it's just so easy for people to get caught into that victim mentality. Totally. It's the other outside factors. That's what's keeping me back. That's why I can't get the job I want. That's why I can't make the income I want. That's why I can't get the clients and close real estate deals like I want to. Um, and yet that paradigm shift, if we can make it and it's not easy, if we can make it, it just opens up a lot to me. Like, is that a shift that happens once or is it a shift that happens every day?

45:31 I think it's totally a shift that happens every day. Um, because in my experience, a lot of what we tell ourselves, like 95 % of our thoughts are subconscious, right? And so if 95 % of our thoughts are subconscious, A lot of the things that we're telling ourself, we don't even realize that we're telling ourself. And that's what's super interesting. And so in my experience, what I've had to do, I'll notice I tell myself something. Oh, this client's not going to work with me. This client is going to work. Like once you start to notice what you're telling yourself, then you can shift it. And so it's just consciously shifting the things that you're saying to yourself. It starts with just noticing it, awareness, and then shifting it. I think that's exactly right.

46:14 Allow me to digress for a second. So I'm going to talk about something that's technically religious, but I'll explain why it's not. And hopefully we'll have a broader set because I like to appeal to anybody who wants to listen. And in my mind, you know, somebody believes devoutly in God or just a higher power or just nature. This applies across the board. But there's something that is said in the particular scripture that says that the natural man is an enemy to God. And to me, where that applies here is just it doesn't have to be that's an enemy to God, but that subconscious or that natural man or those natural tendencies that we have can take us down darker paths. But when we realize that, like, okay, 95 % is subconscious.

46:57 Well, I am going to have to work every day to overcome where my mind might naturally go to start making that shift and seeing it differently, recognizing that there's a part of me that wants to. do something else or be an idiot right or whatever it is like lots of things that are that way um and the recognition can help us and i i do think i mean i probably said the question of poorly but i agree that like it's every day we have to do it every day right um it's it's always going to be something we want to pay attention to and shift uh because if not if we get lazy um and we stop paying attention to those things and it's going to be really easy for us to fall down that path of what the subconscious is pulling us to or what the natural man is pulling us to, right? Okay, so jumping back to Inside Out, okay?

47:44 So part of what happens here then is, you know, Riley's got these emotions she's battling back and forth. And I want you to talk a little bit about, in just a second here, about interplay at the end between joy and sadness, which I think is really maybe the most beautiful part of the story. But the exchange with Riley and her parents is this towards the end. when it's finally all coming out, right? She finally stops having to say that she's fine and act like everything's okay because she ran away. She was going to go back to Minnesota, right? So here's what she says when she's talking to him. She's like, I know you don't want me to, but I miss home. I miss Minnesota. You need me to be happy, but I want my old friends and my hockey team. I want to go home. Please don't be mad. And mom says, oh, sweetie. Dad says, we're not mad. You know what? I miss Minnesota too. So, you know, it took them a while in the show to get to this point where they could have this interchange.

48:38 But the open communication where once Riley felt safe to communicate it, then she could. And now her parents suddenly realize why why she's acting, why she's lashing out. And then they can have the exchange. And that's like, yeah, I miss Minnesota, too. Like, this is really hard. Now we can work on this together. Now we can experience this together. But in these moments, and I don't remember if it's right before this or right after, but you have the realization that joy comes to about embracing sadness. So talk to me about how that applies to your situation, all of our situations, how that helps us in life, understanding and realizing what that interplay and why both joy and sadness together are important. I love that.

49:28 I love that. And then you're so right. It is a beautiful end really to the movie. And joy and sadness, they do work together. All of our emotions work together. And you can't feel joy without feeling sadness. And you can't feel excitement without feeling sadness. And so they're interchangeable and they both play a purpose in every story because every story brings. multiple emotions right as we have that um example in the movie so you know when when joy is embracing sadness in here what i what i find really interesting and why i think the movie did a nice job of displaying is because you had these like core memories right that she had that really had and one of them was her hockey team carrying her on their shoulders and celebrating her and that's all you saw at first was like this joyful memory of that then Once joy embraces sadness, you realize the whole story, which is that Riley missed the winning goal. Exactly.

50:35 And she was sad. And, man, why am I emotional today? Grace, this one's really getting me today. You know, in those moments where she's experiencing what could have been just such extreme sadness for her, right? Like, lets her team down, right? Lets her parents down who, you know, find so much joy in her playing hockey. And instead, her team responds totally differently. And they embrace her. And they celebrate her. And now this moment of sadness and joy together becomes the core memory. And then once joy, the emotion joy inside of her head, realizes the interplay between the two and how that played so well together.

51:17 Like you said, the sadness was necessary to experience the joy. She wouldn't have had so much joy had she not been experiencing something so hard. now it's joyful because this is embracing her giving her the sense of belonging it becomes this really beautiful thing and to some degree that's kind of what i hear in your story is you had this really sad difficult tragic thing with these complex emotions you have to experience and it becomes part of your story and it becomes part of what leads to joy and the life that you're building you can't you can't have all of the things without embracing the whole picture the whole landscape of what you've experienced exactly and i think it just it's a really maybe it's a big example right but but again we all have it and if we all realize in those moments that we can look at our full story and embrace the complex emotions that are there and use that mind shift if that happened for me so that I can now experience joy. Exactly. So what, for you, what are like, what are the greatest moments of joy that you experience? Well, the greatest moments of joy I experience is when I have shared experiences really with the people that I love.

52:35 So good. It's so good, right? When I'm in new places that I love, just experiencing new things, new places. I love travel. I've learned that I love. travel and playing and i never used to which is so funny yeah yeah uh -huh yeah when when you're willing to try new things you start discovering exactly that's exactly yeah good okay so um we're gonna circle back uh at the end for some final thoughts but i want to hit a couple of quick fun segments let's do it yeah for it let's do it okay we're gonna first one we're gonna hit is a this or that okay so They might not be easy answers. Okay. And we're going to make you answer anyways, Grace. Let's do it. Okay. You ready, heart? Let's do it. Okay. The first one. This is a hard one. Joy or sadness?

53:21 I can't say both, can I? You can't. You have to choose one or the other. Joy or sadness? I'm going to choose sadness. Okay. Okay. Tell me more. Usually I just go quick, but I want to hear more. Tell me more. I say sadness because I truly am a firm believer that... if you are willing to feel the sadness you are going to feel the joy so much greater and so you can't have a great amount of joy without sadness okay beautiful answer beautiful answer um okay so within the world of inside out um headquarters or long -term memory headquarters okay yeah Long -term memory is fine. Yeah. Exactly. Give me that fun. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if you've been to both these places, but we're going to throw it anyways because it applies to the movie.

54:15 San Francisco or Minnesota? San Francisco. Okay. You've been to San Francisco? Not San Francisco, but I've been to Minnesota. That's enough. You're like, that's enough. That's enough. San Francisco for sure. Okay. That's fair. I've only ever been through the airport in Minnesota. Nice. And it was fine. Yeah. But like, I've been to San Francisco. Yeah. And the food is great. Exactly. That's what I've heard. Great seafood. Exactly. I'm a Niners fan. I love it. So I'm like, give me some San Francisco. We know technically it's in Santa Clara, but whatever. It's still the greater San Francisco area. Okay. Gym day or rest day? Gym day. Yeah. I mean, I was like, that's going to be the answer for sure. Okay.

54:56 How about this one? Open house or closing day? Closing day. Yeah, because it's like this big celebration and they're closing on their house. Yeah, but it's also so bittersweet. You know, I tell my clients, I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I'm super happy for you. And we've been talking every day for the last three months and I'm kind of sad. Isn't that interesting? Joy and sadness in one. Joy and sadness in one, you see? Yes. It shows up all the time. It does. It shows up. Okay. New listing or new construction? New listing. Okay. New listings. It's really exciting, I'm sure. Good. Good. Iowa summers or Utah summers?

55:36 Utah summers. Let's have some good summers. Yeah. We do. I didn't ask Utah winter or Iowa winter because I'm assuming it's got to be Utah. But that's because I'm ignorant and I don't know Iowa at all. It just seems like it's really cold and there's not a lot to do. Exactly. Yes. And the snow is different because it's more slushy and icy there where it's like more powdery here. It wasn't super snowy. You didn't get a good one. You got a terrible winter. We didn't show out well. Grace will be better next year. Okay. We'll show you a better winter this next year. So you can try your hand at snowboarding or something. Okay. I have no idea if this is stuff you do or not, but we're going to give it a shot because you seem adventurous. Skydiving or scuba diving?

56:17 Skydiving. You've been skydiving? So much fun. Oh my gosh. I was going to say that brings me joy. I was about to say that. It seems so wild. I just. Like of all the things that I could do, that's one where I'm like, no, I could actually die. I just don't think I could do it. So much fun. Oh, did you do it tandem? Because you have to at first, right? Until you do a certain number, you can't do it solo. Yeah, exactly. But you loved it. Yeah. Uh -huh. Maybe one day I will. Maybe one day. Okay, the last list of that. Beach trip or mountain trip? For the first, like, 18 years of my life. 20. 20. Years of my life, I would say beach. But I just got home from Florida and I now live in Utah and I think I would actually say mountain now. Wow. Yeah. Okay. There's more to do. It's like adventurous. There's so beautiful things to see. I mean, you're not wrong. Do you surf at all? No. I don't either. I'm going to learn. I would love to learn too. Yeah. I'm really torn on it too because like the beach is great, but I'm not like. me lay out and get tan because right dude like we don't do that right like man i can go get in the water and i can build a sand castle with the kids but like then it's like that's it i'm like i'm good like i spent a couple hours and i'm good whereas you're right in the mountains there is a ton to do totally fish you can hike you can explore i just did a trip with my boys um and and the youth in our neighborhood and we did canyon airing okay fun which was amazing

57:49 like rappelling and like all this crazy cool stuff so yeah i mean okay look you got a good point okay i know you got a good point i can't believe i'm saying i still do love the beach where in florida did you go uh we're in fort myers this past time okay fort myers yeah good so you experienced this amazing beach yes um okay here's their rapid fire okay are you ready for these i know like Whatever first comes to your mind. Okay, let's do it. We might judge you. We won't judge you. We won't judge. We embrace all answers. Yeah. Because the questions are set up that way. Exactly. Favorite Disney movie? Frozen. Isn't it a good one? I love Frozen. That's kind of easy. You like Frozen 2? I do. So do I. Yeah, I do. I'm actually a little torn between the two. That's how much I like Frozen 2. Really?

58:29 I love them both. That's interesting. I think that there's some additional complexities in character development you see, especially from Olaf and Kristoff. Totally. and then also from anna uh -huh where like anna comes into her own and then you see this nice interplay of christoph being really what's a very supportive mate right that he's not saving the day for her he's not he's actually just finding ways to support her and what she needs exactly it's a really beautiful relationship i agree i digress sorry i digress made a rapid fire and i'm sitting here giving big long explanations i'm sorry okay so uh next one favorite disney song wherever i i'll go Or where? Yes. How Far I'll Go? From Moana. Yes.

59:11 Oh, love that song so much. So good. Yeah. Do you like Lin -Manuel Miranda? Mm -hmm. Okay. Mm -hmm. Obsessed. Totally obsessed. I love him. I love... The song really is a very beautiful song. And going and seeing the live action Moana that just came out, it just reminded me how good that song really is. Mm -hmm. You know, it just captures so much of, like, wanting to... Be called to something greater. Exactly. Which you've experienced, right? That's why I love it. And trying to not underestimate yourself and what you're capable of. Exactly. Oh, it's such a beautiful song. So good. Okay, favorite Disney princess? I know I already said Frozen, but I really love Elsa.

59:55 You can totally say Elsa. Yeah, I'm like, I love Elsa. That is an acceptable answer. Look, she's got two killer songs, right? I know. We're talking about Frozen 1 and Frozen 2. You gotta let it go and you get into the end now. Exactly. Dina Menzel, girl's got some pipes. So good, I know. She's got some pipes. That's a good answer. Favorite Disney hero or heroine? Simba. Simba. Yeah. That's a good one. I know. Simba's fun. I was like, that one's easy. Now you, I mean, you weren't even alive, I'm sure, when the first one came out, right? But the live, well, I guess it's not really live action because they're not real. Still CG, but it feels like it's real. Is that the one that you are familiar with and you've seen? Yeah. Yeah, which is really good. simba simba's great he's got a great like hero's journey he does he does and what he experiences again coming back like he had to realize who he was forgot it lost it no had to have mufasa uh remind him yeah uh we just had in fact that book right there my pride we just had him on alton he was on just this last week with us he played mufasa on broadway oh no way more than 4 000 performances uh and it's just like yeah the lion king is such a beautiful story uh and the role that mufasa plays in helping to guide his son even from beyond and helping simba realize like who can become oh i love the story okay um i don't know have you been to disneyland not disneyland world okay we'll go disney world favorite ride at disney world that's a good question i know there's so

1:01:29 many good ones Which park do you, have you been to all the parks or only some of them? Only some of them. Okay. I don't know what it was. There's Magic Kingdom that has the castle. Yeah. Animal Kingdom, right, where you see all the animals. Epcot with Big Ball. Yeah. Right. And then Hollywood Studios, which might be a controversial opinion. That one's okay for me. Yeah, totally. Because I'm more of a Disneyland guy, so I've seen most of those things there. I love Epcot because it's totally different. There's nothing like that at Disneyland out here out west. So, like, I love Epcot. I don't think I've been at that one. So, that's what. That's what I got to do. Next time you go, this is what you got to do. You got to go to Epcot. Epcot. And you have to do the Guardians ride that's there. Okay. It is unbelievable. Deal. It's really, it's pretty new. I believe it costs more than a billion dollars just to make that singular ride. Interesting.

1:02:17 And worth it. Amazing. Okay. Alrighty. I want to hear a report afterward. Okay. I'll tell you. See if you love it as much as I think you will. Okay. Favorite Disney villain. Ooh. This one's a little harder. This one is a little bit harder. Give me a few to choose from. Once I hear a lot of Scar from Lion King, we get Maleficent all the time. People love Maleficent. I don't really love her as much. She's okay. You get Ursula a lot from Little Mermaid. That's a good one. She's a really popular one. Yeah, that's a good one. What do you think? Ursula. Ursula. Yeah, totally. Her song's great. I know. Her song is so good. I know. And she's kind of like... I mean, she's a little bit misunderstood. Obviously, she's got terrible things about her, but, like, she's a little misunderstood, right? Totally.

1:02:57 Exactly. She's making a contract, okay? Exactly. Ariel agreed to this contract. True. Maybe she was a minor. Exactly. Maybe she didn't actually agree, but it's fine. You had her agree. That's super fun. Okay. Which inside -out emotion do you relate to the most? I would say at this point in my life, joy. Good. That's a good answer. Yeah. I love to hear that, too. Yeah, me too. I'm glad to hear that. Favorite city to visit? Ooh, favorite city to visit. Recently, I've been loving Scottsdale to visit. Interesting. Tell me what you like doing in Scottsdale. There's just a lot going on. There's good food. I have friends that live there. I love the dry heat, the vibes. It's just great. Scottsdale is pretty good. Yeah, and it's close to here. There is really great food. Do you ever, do you ever fly out of the Provo airport to go there? It's cheap.

1:03:52 It's so cheap. It's like a hundred bucks. How do I not? Exactly. How do I not do this? Right. It's amazing. Uh, favorite food. Favorite food. Ooh. Um, well back home we have these, um, amazing cinnamon rolls. So those are like my favorite thing ever. Comfort food right there. Totally. Yeah. I can dig some cinnamon rolls. Yeah. So good. Um, okay. Um, Here's the next two. They might not be so rapid fire, but we're going to ask them anyways. How are you saying yes and in your life right now? Oh, I love that question. How I'm saying yes and is yes, I'm super happy with where I'm at in my life and how far I've come. And I'm excited to learn more, to grow more, and to continue becoming the best version of myself. love the mindset love the attitude amazing what is a question that i should have asked you about your story about inside out about anything that i didn't question that you should have asked me that's a good question a lot of times what i find is uh with the movies especially my guests almost always will watch the movie before and then i kind of get into a groove and then i like i move past something they really want to talk about with a movie or some part of their story that i just didn't think to ask or get to was there anything like that and if not totally good totally um well what i would

1:05:24 just say um is maybe oh gosh this is a great question um i guess when i moved here um you know what i actually felt in that moment is what i would say okay so tell us What did you feel? So it was so interesting when I moved here. Leaving because I wasn't super sad, you know, when I was getting ready to leave. But I do remember like the morning I left home was like the hardest thing I've ever done. You know, it was a whirlwind of emotions because I had to take my Utah real estate exam that morning because that was the only opening. Oh, my goodness. So I wanted to do it before I left. Yeah. and then saying goodbye to my family and everything I've known. And then, you know, two hours into the drive, I felt the most free that I ever had. Like, I just felt like, oh my gosh, like I could just like see my future unfolding in front of me. It was wild.

1:06:22 And then what's funny is I ended up like getting a little bit sick. So it was just interesting to like, just feel, you know, stuff releasing. You know, and then I had an ultimate hack and went to a meditation retreat. And that was amazing. And that was amazing. And then I just went all in into my life here in Utah. My goodness. So some really complex emotions. Totally. Yeah, it wasn't like it was just this like singular thing you're experiencing. It wasn't this unilateral thing you're experiencing. It's like the longing of what you're leaving. It's the nostalgia of what was there, the sadness you're leaving, excitement, joy. sick your body's like okay i'm experiencing all these things i'm a little sick right now yeah exactly meditation get the release yeah process stuff yeah rotation retreat i'm sure yeah yeah and so it it just kind of goes to show like you can feel all things at once and emotions are just temporary they're just showing you what's alive and you just need to feel them to pass and let them go It's beautiful. I'm glad you asked that question to yourself. Thank you. Yeah, of course. I was like, I need to think about this. That's a good one. Yeah. Because I wasn't smart enough to ask that. It was great. It's fantastic. Yeah. Okay. So what we like to do at the end of every episode is have our guests share what we call three actionable takeaways.

1:07:44 And the design is three specific things that somebody could do today or this week to put into practice. the things that we talked about, what would your three actionable takeaways be? Yeah. Well, the first thing I would say is to, if you notice you have any emotions that you're suppressing or not feeling, my one first action step would be to just get curious about it. Just dive in. What's the worst that could happen? Second would be maybe to do a mini thought audit. If you, Pay attention to the things that you're telling yourself and you realize you're in a place of I'm not going to do this or I'm scared. The words I am are so powerful. So just maybe pay attention to what's following the I am. And if you notice you're in a place of doubt, shift it into belief and just see what happens. Fantastic. And then my third thing, what I would say is. to do things that make you happy. Find things that you enjoy to do and just get to know yourself and what you love to do and what makes you happy. Notice the people that you like to be around. Just, yeah. I do think it's really easy in life to just get really busy. Totally. And then you have

1:09:15 those things that... Either you know, do, and you just haven't done for a long time. Or you've gotten so busy that you forgot to eat. Exactly. And it doesn't mean a wholesale abandonment of who you are to go do that happy thing. Sometimes it's not even huge things. For me, I found like, I really enjoy golfing. Exactly. I can't golf all the time. I can't go every day, right? I maybe can't even go every week. But when I found times to do it, it's that. little bit of release for me that's just i actually forget about everything else so it's funny my wife will ask me like what you guys talk about you talk about so -and -so's life or their kids or their job like no nope just talked about golf exactly like we literally just lived in the moment and i freaking had a blast just golfing it's a great great suggestions there those are three terrific actual takeaways really appreciate you being on today uh being vulnerable to share who you are what your journey has been and to inspire so many other people out there on how they can, yes, embrace the things that have happened and build such a beautiful life. Just love that. Thank you. Yeah. As you leave this conversation, remember that yes, the past can hurt and you can either run from it or you can learn from it. So here's to learning and finding joy in the journey. See you real soon.