Enchanted and Why Cynicism Kills Love | Sean Yeager

0:00 What for you was kind of the hardest part about growing up with a single mom? When my mom remarried, he was a great guy, but we just didn't connect like my friends did with their fathers. I think the most challenging thing for me was sporting events and just not having a dad there to support you, you know, which I would only really think about it when I'd see my other friends' fathers there at the games, you know, but they both... I worked at Disneyland for over almost 40 years. My papa was there actually before Disneyland opened. And then he was employed, you know, in construction and all that kind of stuff. And then he eventually, when the park opened, he worked on the train that goes around the park.

0:42 He's just bitten this poison apple, right? And she's seemingly kind of dying in his arm. And he says, please don't leave. You know, and you just feel it in that moment. Yeah. Of like, he kind of gets who she is. and what that love means, right? It's so much easier to be kind than it is to nitpick or to judge others. You know, my last 20 years of my life have been a lot easier because I feel like I've let go of all that stuff. Welcome to Yes and Land, where we say yes to the reality of yesterday and today, and we say and to the possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow. Welcome to another episode of Yes and Land. We are very excited today. We're going to be talking about the power of relationships.

1:37 We're talking about a lovely Disney movie, Enchanted, which is such a fun show. uh great lessons about relationships about love about what that means and we're talking with somebody who's got quite the heritage when it comes to disneyland and i'm very pumped to talk about disneyland all things disneyland from its inception y 'all better buckle up because it'll be some fun stuff today so welcome to the program sean yeager yeah thanks for having me ryan appreciate it very fun to have you today so uh to kind of give a quick overview maybe talk a little bit about what your current profession is. We talked a little bit in the pre -show about it, but kind of give us a little bit of lay of the land about what you're doing professionally right now. Well, I've been in education now, high school educator, health, fitness, and I was a high school basketball coach for 22 years. And now I've kind of switched over to the admin side, so now I'm an athletic director.

2:31 So I'm still involved with athletics and just love being around people, especially our youth, and hopefully being a good example and a good role model. trying to be at least you know for today's youth just like a lot of the coaches and teachers i had when i was younger growing up so yeah great opportunity to have such a great influence on young people these days um i mentioned it before and i've mentioned this podcast many times but i come from a family of educators my dad was an elementary school teacher when i was growing up my mom was a lunch lady my sister was a teacher for a number of years and now she's a librarian uh down in saint george so it's like it's in my blood it's in my blood and then i'm the black sheep because i became an attorney and a divorce attorney at that so which will apply today to enchanted i had forgotten sean yeah i'm glad you turned me back on this movie because i forgot that one of the main characters is in fact a divorce attorney yeah kind of hilarious patrick and he was so good in this movie too and we will definitely talk a little bit more about that but let's now take us way back let's take us back to like young sean group in california right yep southern california that's where he grew up so talk to me a little bit about what uh growing up there was like i think you grew up maybe uh Maybe a little bit different than some folk. I think your mom was a single mom, right? Yes. Raising you as a single mom. So tell me a little bit what that was like. How many siblings did you have at that time? So I was an only child. My mom had me at a young age.

4:01 And then she divorced from my biological father when I was six months old. Her future was kind of put on the back burner, which I'll always respect her and love her for that. And so fortunately, though, my biological grandparents from both sides were in California. And so they helped raise me. And they took turns babysitting and watching over me so my mom could hold down jobs. And then she started going to school and things like that. My grandparents were a huge, major impact on me growing up, especially as a child and in my teen years. Yeah, no doubt. Now, with those grandparents, they had some pretty special ties to Disneyland. Yes. Give us the breakdown here. I'm really excited about this. Give us the breakdown there. Well, you know, going through it, I don't think you appreciate it until maybe you get older, but my biological father's parents.

4:59 They're originally from the South and so I referred to them as Mamaw and Papaw. So anybody listening that's from the South, they know what I'm talking about. So when I bring up their name, it's easy for me to say Mamaw or Papaw, but they both worked at Disneyland for over almost 40 years. My Papaw. was there actually before Disneyland opened. He was employed in construction and all that kind of stuff. And then he eventually, when the park opened, he worked on the train that goes around the park. And he loved it. That was his job. That was his career. And my mamaw worked in the china shop on Main Street. And again, I've been to Disneyland so many times growing up as a kid. I can't even... count but uh huge impact uh huge influence in disneyland sometimes as i got older old enough to kind of run around on my own with my friends disneyland became my my babysitter you know yeah in a in a funny way but yeah so lots of disney yeah stuff you know so uh you said your papa papa yep he was in construction did he help did he work on the construction of disneyland itself oh yeah which is amazing i mean so so he's there during the time where Um, if, if memory serves, it was a year from the time that they started and when Walt had announced that they were going to open and somehow they made that happen in a year, which is just kind of wild. Yeah. Right. Well, and it's funny because, uh, as I mentioned earlier, I was an educator

6:30 and one of my health lessons, we talk about resilience. Well, what better example than Walt Disney, right? I mean, and I'm sure you know, um, cause I know you're a huge Disney buff. Um, he, he. was going to make it happen. He had the vision and I think he was turned down over 300 times. And to me, if I get turned down, I have this idea. And if people look at me and say, you're crazy. And so I'd always tell my kids, imagine if I opened a park. I wanted to open a park. And my pitch to people, to investors was, I want to open this park. Eagle Mountain, and I want the main character to be, I don't know, a donkey, and I'm going to call it Jaegerland. I mean, it sounds silly, right? But we talk about that, how silly it must have sounded back in the 50s, maybe late 40s when Walt was really putting this all together.

7:22 I'm going to open a park in these orange groves in Anaheim, and I'm going to call it Disneyland. I mean, that's probably why he had over 300 rejections. Yeah, here we are. And he had to risk a lot because, you know, when he initially had Mickey Mouse really start taking off, which was not the first character he had, right? His first character kind of got stolen away from him. But then he goes with Mickey and then he has all the success. Finally, after really hard times doing it, has a lot of success, but puts it all on the line. Right. Like all on the line to do this Disneyland thing. And you're right. Claire and the Orange Grows in Anaheim, which at the time was like. kind of middle of nowhere it's kind of like oh there's this open space there's these orange groves sure nobody's gonna come why not there let's let's do it there and decides to do it and your uh your papa gets to be a part of building disneyland did he ever tell you any stories about what it was like to build it or what kind of things he did when they were building it um the only thing i remember when we talked about specifically um because he passed away you know I wish I'd got to know him more as a young adult. Sure.

8:29 But I just remember that there was – he would talk about the days being long. Oh, yeah. But anything he said and Mamaw ever said about Walt Disney was always positive. Like he – never anything negative to say. He would interact and engage with everyone. Nobody felt like – they were beneath them and uh just positive stories i remember him saying it was just a lot of work i mean yeah and and a lot of changes like they'd start with something and change into something else but that's i wish i would love to be able to sit down with them now sure you know and have those conversations one of the things that i love um that um i've heard that walt did and implemented and what they still do today is you just everybody was their first name yeah that that it never was never in mr disney it was never like titles for people was just people's first names um he would always tell people to call him walt and he and so even now that's why they all have it's just the first name on there they don't have last names on any of the tags and name badges because it's that more personal relationship right that he would want to create and that he helped create for others because i do think it's i mean i think it's so unique that what you're saying is like they they're he's working long hours it's not easy It's a vision that some people didn't believe in. And yet your dad or your grandpa, your papa did it and then stayed working for the company for many, many years. And so it must have been a great appreciation for what the vision was of what Disneyland represented, what it meant to people. Yeah. I mean, you think about, like

10:01 you said, relationships. He people he made people feel valued. And that's, I think, was I would assume was part of his vision with the park. When people go there, they want to feel. special like it's a special place you know and i mean the employees you know anybody's been to disneyland you don't see a disgruntled employee it's just it's just not allowed but it's but i in the same sense it's not like people are holding back they're not liking their job people genuinely enjoy working there and that's why my my grandparents my mom papa they they worked there till the day they retired i mean they love they love disneyland it's part like a part of who i am it's part of who they were and then outside of it They were very proud, you know, when people, and I was proud as a grandchild, you know, you know, my grandma, my mom, I would say my mom and papa in California didn't, you know, they work at Disneyland, but you know, you have a lot of friends when your grandparents work at Disneyland. So it was, it was great, but they loved their jobs and it carried over and the relationships are great. And, and another, when we're talking about, you know, themes, you know, about what we're talking about, unconditional love. yeah you know i mean they you feel love when you're at disneyland that's why everybody wants to go there because all everything they hear about is so positive yeah and and you know what i think is also really unique here is your papa i think you said he um ran the steam engine train like that i think i would guess that had to be a pretty prominent position because walt loved trains like he was

11:33 obsessed with trains he had this little train thing at his house and so when he was doing disneyland having a train was a non -negotiable right had a great love for trains and so the fact that that that your papa got to run the train man he had a lot of trust from walt himself to be able to do that and do that for as long as he did yeah yeah they did and and he like i said he was proud and and i know we had mentioned we talked earlier um he would let When my friends, especially birthday parties, Papaw would let us sit up in the front and let us – we just basically held a valve that made sure that it wasn't – we weren't doing anything wrong. But I just remember it was the opposite. If you wanted to slow down, you'd lift the lever a little bit up. And if you want to speed up, you'd lift – you'd pull it down. And they'd always bring it in to the stop at each place around the park. But I just – I still remember the smell of the steam engines.

12:25 And then when we went a couple years ago – they went away with that. And so I missed that smell, but I get it, you know, environmentally wise and all that. But it was, it was, it was awesome. I loved it. Did you ever get to like, Oh yes. Oh yeah. Right. Cause you have to do it right when you're coming into us. Yeah. And so, but he would tell us when to do it. Like we couldn't just sit there and just, you know, sure. Cling away. Do it the right time. Yeah. But you got to do that. No, it was great. You know, and then. Obviously, you know, your friends, you go back home and you're talking about it. And then it was fun. It makes you pretty popular as a kid, that's for sure. But I loved it. I loved it. And then your mama, she worked at the China shop, I think you had mentioned. Yeah. On Main Street, right? On Main Street. Every time I go in there, I still get emotional. I just remember that, you know. And she worked with this gal named Ruby. I'll never forget Ruby. And she was the kind of gal that would come up, you know, squeeze your cheeks and give you those wet smooches and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, I just remember the wax paper. We were in there a couple of years ago. And I saw the workers because they dress, you know, with that, I don't know, early 1900s attire or whatever, you know. And the barbershop quartets would come in and sing. But I remember they'd pull out the wax paper and wrap up all, you know, the Disney. pluto mugs or whatever that you're you're purchasing and uh it just it hasn't the interior hasn't really changed much and that's what i think is so cool because i can walk in there and immediately just have

13:56 all these flashbacks just positive memories and and i think what's so great about the way that that he created disneyland and crafted it is that um You get that experience when you've been there before. So when I'm walking in now, because I've been going since I was four years old, you're walking down Main Street and you do just, it just takes you back. Oh, yeah. It just takes you back. When you have that style from the early 1900s that was kind of Missouri where he grew up and also kind of Colorado, which is one of the guys that kind of helped design it. But there's this kind of place that just takes you back in time. Yeah. You know? that just transports you as you walk through Main Street. And then, like you said, and then every land you go into, and again, people listening who visited, you feel like you're in a different, you know, definitely a different part of the world. I mean, even the new Star Wars land is phenomenal. I love that.

14:47 And I've only been to that twice and love that. But yeah, that Main Street just has that old feel and they have the penny arcades and all that kind of stuff. And it's just, you know, and if you notice though, it's never dirty i mean if somebody spills some popcorn that thing's scooped up in two or three minutes you know and it's definitely a contrast you see with other theme parks out there so my wife and i had gone to uh san antonio for a business trip of mine and we were uh our hotel was right next to six flags in san antonio they're like hey six flags we got you know an open afternoon we're gonna go there And, oh yeah, it was, I mean, Six Flags has some good roller coasters. They do. But it is not clean like Disneyland. The staff is not friendly like they are. The whole process just doesn't work the same. Disney just does things different. It's an attention to detail that's like no other amusement park. And I've been to the Six Flags in California. I've been to a lot of amusement parks. And Lagoon's a great place to go visit. But the attention to detail in Disneyland is unreal. There's lots of hidden Easter eggs, you know, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. And I finally saw the Eeyore sign because I do remember when I was younger, the parking lot was, you know, you'd park in, you know, D for Dumbo and G for Goofy because it'd be easy to forget where you parked your car with all the cars there. But I guess they built the Indiana Jones ride around the

16:19 Eeyore sign. And so when you go into that room with the old projectors playing. Yeah. And we couldn't. So I had to finally give in and ask one of the employees there, but you can look back and you can see it, but they built around it. No kidding. Which is just little cool things like that. I did not know that. Oh, I can't wait to go back now. Yeah. You know, except when you look for it. So I want to, next time we go, I'm going to. I want to go online and look. Maybe it would be great just to make a day of looking for Easter eggs, you know. Yeah. I mean, they've got tons of them. I've been on that Indiana Jones ride many a time. So I can't wait to go back and try that one out. They did a very good job with the queue for that ride. And back when they first made it. Yeah, actually, I had to wait through that entire queue. Now, with the way they do the Lightning Lane, you end up walking past some of the fun stuff. They have a lot of it, but still a great queue leading up to that ride. Yeah. I mean, I think you need, for the amount of people that go there now and all that, you really have to plot out your day. He was almost like our tour guide because you can only buy some of those tickets, those lightning tickets or whatever they call them, the fast passes at certain times. So it's like you have to coordinate your day and be efficient. Otherwise, you can't see everything, especially with two parks now.

17:32 You can't see everything unless you go for four days if you really want to see everything and enjoy it. Especially if you want to see some of the shows because there's some really fun shows. I think you mentioned – do you have a granddaughter? Or a grandchild? Yep. I have a granddaughter, yes. And I have a daughter. I mean, all our kids, we took them to the FBI. I have a granddaughter. She's one. So she's a couple years away. She's a couple years away. But we'll be doing it again. Have you guys ever gone to the Royal Theater there? I don't think so. So as you're walking up to... the castle um the little roundabout there it's right off to your left and there's this very small little theater they do there and they call it the royal theater here the tiki room it it's a little bit a little bit closer to the castle okay okay because it is right next to the castle okay and and it only seats maybe 50 people total uh but it's these cute little shows they do of tangled And then Beauty and the Beast. And it's really catered to like the littles, which is so fun. I've got two little girls, so we love going to it. And it's these two guys who are like kind of comedians and they kind of play all the parts and then they have the princess. So Rapunzel's there and then they play all the other roles. And then they have Belle there, and they play all day long. It's a little stage. It's a tiny little thing, but it's the cutest thing to do for little.

18:47 So when your granddaughter's old enough and you take her there, you've got to go to the Royal Theater. I always tell people, my daughters have loved it for the last few years when we've taken them. It's so cute. Write that down. Such a nice job. But there's so many things to do, right? Like you're saying, you can go there for a number of days and still not get everything in because there's so much to see and so much to do. That's what I loved about it. Again, I'm old enough. Any old people listening will remember the A, B, C, D, E tickets. And I think the E tickets were the one for the cool rides, the Haunted Mansion. Space Mountain came out when I was a teenager. And I may have mentioned to you that that was like such a big deal. I remember that was just like the talk of the town, Space Mountain, Space Mountain. Because Matterhorn was kind of there to throw a ride. But it's just – there's just so much to do. Even back then when it was – the park was even smaller. So it's hard to get to everything. And obviously, with lots of people there, that weighs in. Now, with Space Mountain, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you sometimes get to get in a little bit early and go hit up Space Mountain? Tell that story.

19:52 Yeah. So, you know, where they do the rope drop, it's right there by the China shop. So they want you to get in there. Of course, it's designed also where everybody buys everything when they're walking out. But a lot of people, you know, we're going to. park opens let's say they drop the rope at nine but they'll let people in maybe at eight i'm guessing i don't remember exactly but so for an hour they're right there on main street waiting for the rope to drop but mama would take us through the side um there's a little there's a door it's still there because i saw it the last time we went but they keep it shut for the rope drop she would open it and we she'd send us and we just fly out of there hang a right and go down the space mountain and they would do i think they called them dry runs you know where they're getting the you know, or whatever.

20:35 And we'd run in there. And like I said, they saw me a lot, especially in, you know, my early teens and all that. And we'd go in there and the workers would let us get on for the dry runs. And we'd go through it a couple of times. We'd go through it when the lights were on, which was real trippy. Yeah. But then, you know, the lights are off and then we'd come back in and, you know. The rope still hasn't dropped. The people haven't got there yet. And they'd be like, you guys want to go again? And we'd be like, so we wouldn't even get out. We'd get to go again. And we thought it was so cool. Funny enough, I remember there were multiple times where we'd go on it four or five times in a row or maybe it wasn't busy yet. But the last time I went on it. I got off and you asked my wife, I needed like a 30 minute break. I'm like, Holy cow. How did I, if I did that now, it'd be crazy. I can really take it out of you. Yeah. But it felt special, you know, ma 'am, I had some perks, you know, so of course. And, uh, and some of the workers, you kind of recognize them and they recognize you. So it was pretty cool. Yeah. That's awesome. What, what did you learn as a kid? And then as a young man growing up about relationships from. your mom and from your mamma and papa and from your grandparents as they all kind of like as a village, so to speak, kind of raised you.

21:52 What did you learn about relationships? What do they teach you about that? I mentioned it earlier. I think one of the big things is just unconditional love, kindness. And, you know, I don't claim to be perfect, but I added, but I know how important it is because that's something, you know, that mamma, especially, I mean, We got in trouble in the park sometimes. We'd do things we shouldn't be doing, jumping boats on one of the old boat rides. A friend of mine knocked the apple off the witch's hand in Snow White. And there's cameras. They see everything. I don't suggest getting up and walking off the moving parts of the Haunted Mansion. That's not good.

22:39 And I guess, you know, I think just being able to forgive, unconditional love, it was huge. And just treating everyone with respect, you know. I think that's what I love about Disneyland. Anybody who goes there, the workers there, you see it, you know. And I think a lot of people, I mean, that's what I wanted. My mom worked there for a time. My biological father did and two of my uncles. And they loved it. My mom worked the Matterhorn. She always has fun stories to tell. And then the Golden Horseshoe, I think I told you my uncle worked there. And he's a full -fledged cowboy now up in western Montana, up near Whitefish, Calisper area, if you've ever been up there. And that's the place to be if you're a cowboy. And I always – I should ask him, like, did working there kind of inspire you to – because it had that western theme. So, yeah. But I think just – The value of unconditional love and just treating people with kindness.

23:39 Yeah, I love that. Besides this podcast, I actually own a law firm, RCG Law Group. And I'll be honest, most people think only about calling a lawyer when something has gone sideways already. We'd rather you know who we are before that happens. So if you ever need us, we're right here. What for you was kind of the hardest part about growing up with a single mom? I think, you know, not having the male adult role model. I mean, my papa, both of my grandparents, they were my grandfathers. They were my male adult role models. When my mom remarried, he was a great guy. But we just didn't connect like my friends did with their fathers, you know. So I think the most challenging thing for me was sporting events. And just not having a dad there to support you, you know, which I remember thinking about it. I would only really think about it when I'd see my other friends' fathers there at the games, you know. But those dads were great. And I think they recognized what was going on, seeing me and my mom. And so they'd come over and, hey, good job, Sean.

24:54 You played great, that kind of stuff. But that was the most challenging thing for me, I think. informed the way that you raised your kids and maybe also the way that you showed up for the kids that you taught and coached um we've had this conversation a lot uh my wife and i and my kids but you know you you want to it inspires you to be the dad that you didn't have and again i'm not I don't claim to be perfect, but I strived. I think that's why I got into education too, because I wanted that flexibility. Education has provided me the flexibility to, you know, I don't think I missed much of any of my kids' sporting events. I wanted to be there for them.

25:42 It's funny you ask that question from a coaching perspective. I recognize, and I'm not really... I'm processing this because you asked a great question. I recognized kids who didn't have, who maybe were in that same situation. And I felt myself gravitating and trying to fill that void a little bit. Like maybe they needed a few more attaboys or attagirls, you know? Yeah. Because I coached boys and girls basketball at different times in my career. So it's funny you ask that question because I'm just now realizing I think I did that, you know? Yeah, it's pretty natural to me. I think you understood better than anybody the value of what positive, positive adult influences and especially positive male influences that that was not present, like how much that can make an impact on somebody. Every health lesson I did always seemed to, you know, whether you're talking about depression or resilience or anything, all these positive, all these characteristics, it all came back to. Every youth should have at least one adult role model in their life who has their genuine well -being and interest in mind. Somebody that they can truly trust. Every young child, teenager needs that. Somebody they can talk to. Somebody they can go to. There's a lot of research out there that just shows that when those things, when they have those types

27:13 of people in their lives, that they just tend to live healthier, better lives. I mean, there's no guarantees. Yeah, but you can definitely give them a better shot when you can have that positive influence on a kid's life. Yeah. Yeah, no doubt. So let's bring in. this movie enchanted and we're going to talk about some different things of the arc of of the character giselle in uh enchanted i'm going to read a quick synopsis of the movie kind of gives us a 30 000 foot view i'm going to ask you about a couple of quotes that i've got on here so here's the brief synopsis enchanted follows giselle an animated princess from the fairy tale kingdom of andalasia who believes in love at first sight and happily ever after without question When the jealous queen banishes her through a magical portal, Giselle lands in live -action New York City, disoriented and still fully expecting her prince, Edward, to rescue her. Instead, she's taken in by Robert, a divorced, pragmatic divorce lawyer who has grown cynical about love and is raising his young daughter to believe the same. As Giselle's fairytale worldview collides with Robert's guarded realism, Both are forced to confront what they believe love actually requires. And the film builds to the idea that real love isn't handed to you like a spell breaking. It's chosen and fought for in the real world. That synopsis. Really, like this is such a good show, right? Like there's so many actual life lessons to pull from it.

28:39 But let's talk about like the very beginning, right? When Giselle is kind of in this stage of not understanding what love actually is, not understanding what happily ever after means, having no idea what it is. And here's one of the things that she says. I'm sure that Edward is already searching for me. No doubt by morning he'll come and rescue me from this strange land. Take me home so the two of us can share a true love's kiss. And so, you know, in what way do we sometimes have this? This kind of, I guess, fairytale view of what love actually means. And what does love actually mean? And how is it a little bit different than her kind of, I would say, infantile view of what love is? Well, yeah, I mean, she's very naive, which makes her even more likable. You know, just, you know, being thrown into, I think it's New York City. Yeah, New York. And I think her, you know, kids. look at love it's all it's a fairy tale right everybody wants their life to be a fairy tale and then as we get older we realize that um that that doesn't always go what's that line by john lennon life's what happens when you're busy making other plans right you know yeah and so but we all want that love it just comes in different ways in that movie though uh i thought she was uh you start off thinking she's the one that has a lot to learn but as the movie goes on She ends up teaching us in the classic Disney, the real life

30:12 with animation, which this whole movie encapsulates all the different fairy tales in the one. That's why I told you I love it so much. But she ends up teaching us about sometimes you just... We've got to simplify, keep it simple. So she's kind of naive in a sense. She learns a little bit, but at the same time, she goes around and educates others. And like I told you about like that one couple, I think she helps kind of mediates, I guess, in a way and gives them some advice. And so when I look at it, I think the message and a lot of messages in that movie is, you know, keep. Keep it simple. Don't focus on the thick of thin things. My wife and I talk about that a lot. It's something I'm working on right now.

30:57 But that movie, I loved it. I thought Giselle was the one that taught everyone at the end. Yeah, because in the beginning, you do kind of see her as this just really naive character. When in reality, there's actually this purity to her belief in love. And I think you're right. Sometimes we want to look at that child. childlike things and think they're just childish. But sometimes they're not. Sometimes we actually could be a little bit more childlike and have a little bit more of that purity in what we believe. Because Robert, the divorced divorce attorney, which he is, and which when I rewatched this show, I thought it was so funny. I told you this before, but I didn't realize he was a divorce attorney until I rewatched it. And I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm a divorce attorney. How do I not realize that Robert's a divorce attorney? But he has this really cynical view. And one of the things he says when he's talking to his daughter, he says, forget about happily ever after. It doesn't exist. So he's like on the opposite end of the spectrum, right? 100%. Giselle is like, oh, of course it's going to be happily ever after. I just need to have true love's kiss. And he's like, yeah, daughter, forget about it. It doesn't happen. It doesn't exist. Don't even try thinking that's going to be something that happens in life. And it really is just like, okay, how do these characters end up coming together? um in a way that really ends up teaching robert a lot more about life because i think more often as adults were robert yeah it's easy for us to be cynical it's easy to connect with him easily yeah it's it's easy to be like man life's hard

32:27 man a lot of things happen like a lot of tough things happen you know why why does this person get cancer why is this person dying a car accident right why why do i get divorced why does my spouse leave me i deal with that all the time as a divorce attorney right where people are not wanting this divorce to happen and kind of left like, why is this the thing that happened to me? And then kind of feeling a little bit down about what life has presented. But I think you're right. What Giselle starts to teach him is that there is something there for us all. There is love and happiness for us there if we will look for it. And have a little bit more of that maybe childlike view that there is something more there.

33:12 And like you said, sorry, Ryan, but like you said, there were two totally opposite people. But I think, again, two people that can seem so different could have enough commonalities where they could fall in love. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. I love that movie. Why do you think it is that sometimes we get cynical in life like Robert? Through experience where maybe things just aren't going our way. We seem to have hard luck. Me, spiritually, I feel like there's always a reason for that. Some things are put in front of us that we need to learn to overcome. But experience and just maybe not having a lot of the positive experiences happen.

33:59 So you just kind of start going down this woe is me downward spiral to where. you kind of almost like you give up a little bit. And so when somebody comes up and says, I'm looking for my Prince Charming and my true love's kiss, it's like, you know, crazy, you know. But I truly believe, and this is where Walt Disney comes back in the play, we all have that child in us. I feel like it gets buried, but sometimes, you know, we have to go back and find that and remember that and just get back to who we truly are. our core and just to, you know, to be a kid again, you know, I would love to be a kid again. I think that's why I love the movies and we watch all the, we just saw Spider -Man. I mean, you know, we go to movies to enjoy ourselves, but Walt Disney, Disney movies have shaped us. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, it's, it's really interesting. I love where you're going here with this. And it really leads really well into this, this quote that I found from John Gottman. John Gottman's one of the primary authorities when it comes to marriage and family counseling. He and his wife are the authorities on it. And he said this, which was so interesting. He said, happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming. The goal is to be able to love your partner more deeply each and every year you're together. i love that reframing of happily ever after yeah

35:29 give me give me your take on that give me your take on john gottman's framing of happily ever after and what it means well when you're talking about just the relationship part um it makes me think i don't know how long ago i heard this but like it's about you know the person that like my wife and i've been married coming up on 31 years you know we fell in love with the people we were then but we're not the same people we are now so you have you have you're both changing. So you're falling in love with the newer version of each other each and every day, each and every year, you know? So, you know, I love, but with that, it makes, it makes your love even stronger, you know, but I, to me, the happily ever after is continuing to grow and learn and love the person you're with because they're changing just like you are. And that to me is exciting. You know, I still think. Speaking of Mamaw and Papaw, I talked about relationships. Because when you're a kid and they've been helping raise you, you have these conversations. I was closer to my grandparents than maybe a lot of people were with their grandparents. I'm not saying that I was the closest, but my point is they told me that the magic to their relationship was love and compromise. And so I've tried to apply that into my relationship with my wife because that's huge. But we're constantly growing and you're just going to fall in love with that person again.

36:56 It's a beautiful reframe because many times sitting in my seat as a divorce attorney, what I'll hear is like, oh, we're getting divorced because we're just two different people than when we got married. 15 years ago, 20 years ago. And now I'm kind of thinking like, yeah, no kidding. Yeah. Yeah. You're different because you're not, you know, you, when you were 21, you know, you're 36, you're 40, you're 45. Of course you're different. The question is, are you going to use those, those, that growth and those differences you have in growth together? Are you going to value each other, accept each other for who you are and who you are becoming? Like John Gottman said, fall. I love how you said fall in love. as you go to you're falling in love with who you're becoming as you're changing which is such a beautiful way to look at it or he's going to see the change as negative yeah and push it away like robert right like okay yep cynical you're not who you were when i married you 20 years ago so that must mean we we aren't meant for each other must mean when you get divorced when in reality is that okay you are a little bit different and so am i yeah okay so how do we have the how do we have the compromise how do we have the communication and the collaboration in this relationship um I also love that this is such a different way to look at Happily Ever After because I think sometimes Disney movies get criticized for the Happily Ever After. Like, oh, it's just this unrealistic view. Like, of course, yeah, you're going to find your true love and, you know, the Happily Ever After and it's all roses. No, I think the way that John Gottman is describing it and like you've described it is Happily Ever After is a process of becoming. Yeah. And continuing

38:29 to fall in love. It's not one thing and it's over. It's what does that now look like? Now you can embark on this journey together to find joy and happiness together in this process of growing and becoming. It's really a nice way to look at it. And another thing that just made me think about this while you were talking about that is you're learning to love this person who's changing. Like, you know, watching my wife help raise four kids. She hadn't raised any kids when I met her. So this is a person now that I know and I've watched do this. She's a different person, but I love her even more. But another part that's really important is it's hard because a lot of times I think people can love another person.

39:18 But you also got to love the person that you're growing and evolving into as well. And if you don't love yourself, then sometimes what you do, there's different ways you can respond to that. You can close yourself off from the world. You can have resentment because maybe the person that you're in love with is happy with the way they're evolving and you're not happy with yourself. So that can cause some conflict in a relationship. So we're all growing and learning. Like I'm 59 years old. I don't know what it's like to be 60, so I've got to learn how to be 59 and get advice from other people. But I've got to accept that I'm getting older and love the person that I am. Do I wish I could still go play basketball and run up and down the floor like I used to?

40:03 Sure, but I've got to be able to accept that and still love the person I am now and the thinning hair and the gray hair. But it's part of life. But you've got to love yourself, and then I think it helps you love others. I think it's important when we think about, you know, ourselves and how we're changing, giving ourselves grace as well, because we're not going to be perfect. Like we are in the process of changing. We're in the process of things are different than they used to be. Giving ourselves some grace as well as giving our loved ones that grace as they're doing the same thing. As they're growing, as they're learning, as they're changing and becoming somebody new and somebody different, giving that grace really provides space, I think, for that love to continue to exist there. Yes. Amidst those changes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When you think about your role as an athletic director right now and in the things that you do, when you're trying to show up for a student, for a kid, How is it you do that when it's not easy? It's either there's barriers in the way, it's maybe the lack of parent support or, you know, there's kids in a really difficult situation. How do you continue to show up for these kids and help them and inspire them when it's really hard to do it? Before we jump back in, can I ask you a quick favor? If

41:33 you're enjoying the journey so far, will you like... rate and subscribe to our show it helps us reach more people like you we can design and create and build the most wonderful place in the world but it takes people to make the dream a reality um first of all real quick i just want to say i meant to say this at the beginning you're you're a lot younger than me but i think it's so cool that somebody how old are you 44 You're 44? 44. Well, I thought you were in your 30s. So you're doing great. But still, still young to me, right? But the fact you're 44, you live in Utah and you have this family and you have this passion for Disneyland. I just think it's so cool. But anyway, it's just nice to see. But to answer your question, and you kind of touched on a little bit about parents and all that and their background. Life's about relationships.

42:25 Coaching for me was always about relationships. Teaching is about relationships. The best thing I could do as a teacher, even as an athletic director, is get to know the people you work with or get to know your students. So we're using students as an example. If you get to know them and you understand their upbringing, a lot of them have a tough situation. So it's easy to sympathize, maybe not empathize, but sympathize with them. And it makes you want to help them, obviously. But the other go -to for me, because that's a really good question. I wasn't perfect as a kid and I would hate to be judged on the things I did or said when I was 15, 16 or 17 years old. So I look at all these, you know, I would, if I met my 15 year old me, you know, like the Brad Paisley song, you know, wrote that letter to me song, but I would probably think I was, you know, kids and knucklehead, you know?

43:20 So I, I, The brain doesn't fully mature until, what, 25? Is that what they say? So you have to keep telling yourself that because there's been so many students I've had over the years that were knuckleheads. I don't mean to use that term, but like my wife knows, I just got an out -of -the -blue Instagram. I don't know how to work Instagram well, but I just got this. It was under the request. It wasn't a message. It said request. And I clicked on it. It was something from a student of mine from 2009. who was reaching out to me and he he was a handful and he even said that in the message i know you know i won't use the term that he used but he used a term and he was spot on but um what i'm getting at is that you know that they're gonna most of them they're gonna grow out of this and you have to be understanding that again you can't you know you gotta let them know whether you're not your friend There has to be a level of respect there, but they have to know that you care about them and all that. And I think eventually the light turns on for these kids. Maybe when they're 13, the light turns on. Maybe not until they're 23.

44:30 But you just keep trying to plant those seeds and be positive. Yeah, I think that's a great point. It kind of plays into the next quote that I have, which is from Gary Chapman. He wrote The Five Love Languages, which a lot of people know. It's pretty popular, right? And one of the things he said is, our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love, but to be genuinely loved by another. To know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. And I think that's a role that a teacher, that a coach, that a mentor can really help to play a role they can play in a child's life, especially for somebody who maybe doesn't have the ideal family situation, to know that they are loved and that this person is choosing to love them, even if they're a handful, even if they're pretty tough, they're pretty hard, that we still do. And that can make such a difference in somebody, even if it's not manifest at the beginning. My dad is a teacher. He's had similar experiences where he's had old students recognize him and stop him and talk about the influence they had. And sometimes it's kind of like, I have no idea how that kid turned out.

45:45 Right? Like, well, I'm glad they did. Didn't realize that what I did stuck with him. And he mostly taught fifth and sixth grade. And it's like, wait, I taught him in fifth grade and that stuck with him? And he's now 30 years old telling me this? Like, there's such a great influence that we can have if we'll take the time. To recognize it, be patient, be curious, and to love them. Yeah. And it's funny because your dad was probably like – probably doesn't remember saying it, but he's probably thinking, yeah, it sounds like something I probably would have said. And so that's really cool. And I still think those little moments when you run into maybe a former student, it's what keeps you going as an educator. I truly believe that. And maybe you have some former clients that you still keep in contact with that say, hey, you've helped change our lives. Well, it goes back to wanting to be loved, being accepted.

46:33 Well, now, we all have rough days. So maybe there's days like, you know, am I doing any good in this world? And then you get people telling you stuff like that. And you're like, you know what? Yeah, I'm doing the right thing, you know. And it's a part of being accepted. And it is a form of love. For sure. Yeah, because in anybody's job, in anybody's profession, there's hard days. There's times where there's really difficult situations. And having... those reminders that that will come up that we're doing something good beyond ourselves um is extremely meaningful and sometimes it is rare look i do divorce you know when people get divorced it's not like they're super excited most of the time right usually it's a pretty difficult emotional situation But we do have those occasions where we do have clients that are just really grateful because we stood by them. And we helped them navigate a really, really hard time. And it does. It really carries you through. It carries you through the hard days when somebody expresses that gratitude. I remember we had done an adoption for somebody. So a little bit happier event, right, than a divorce. But we'd done the adoption. It went super smooth, right? Seemed like, you know. hundreds of other adoptions that i've done we try to treat everybody great um they were just a super sweet couple uh cute little kid that they adopted and the next week like they delivered to our office here one of those like fancy gourmet apple like caramel apples for everybody in the office like they pay us to help with an adoption and they come

48:06 bring this to us and it just like brought so much like fun and gratitude to the whole office everybody kind of like oh my goodness We're doing something good. We're actually helping people, right? It's important to have those reminders. And I think it's also a good reminder for us that when somebody has an impact on us, to also then do something or say something to them. Let them know how they impacted us in a positive way. Show that gratitude. Yeah, that's got to be rewarding. I think that's cool that they did that. Plus who doesn't like a big giant, you know, chocolate covered. Oh, they were delicious too. Yeah. And the fact that they brought it for everyone, I mean, you can tell they were very grateful. That's awesome. Yeah. So one of the other quotes that I have here is from Esther Pearl. And she said, I think this just fits so beautifully what we're talking about here. The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. And this is not exclusive to romantic partnerships. And so for you, when we're talking about relationships, we're talking about love.

49:04 Tell me what that quote means to you. Is that overstating it or do you think that that really resonates? Do you think that's true? The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Because you're not living your life just with the person that you're romantically involved with. In fact, right. You know, during the school year, I spend more waking hours with people without my wife, you know, than without the, you know, the romantic. person in my life yeah and so i better have you know high quality relationships with these people i'm interacting with every day because that's you know that's well like a job where you work it's not just what you do it's who you work with yeah you know um and i think We all have people that we might struggle working with, but we have to make it work. And sometimes you have to take somebody that you maybe have nothing in common with, but you have to work with. And you have to make it a quality relationship or at least a productive one from a working standpoint. But, I mean, there are people in my life that I have amazing, I feel like, you know, relationships that were of extreme quality. And obviously they weren't romantic. You need, it's a balance. I think if you have just one and not the other, then it's hard. I think that's kind of what she's alluding to, that you need both. You need both.

50:27 Yeah. Because she's saying like, yeah, definitely romantic relationships certainly are part of this, right? That's going to help determine the quality. It's also other relationships too. Right. Right. And when you have quality relationships, your life is just better. Yeah. It's just better. Oh, yeah. And you learn so much. And I've learned. And sometimes in my relationship with my wife, the non -romantic parts that I've learned, I've been able to carry that over in relationships of just friends and vice versa. So again, that both relationships help the other. For sure. Yeah, they definitely do. So when we kind of come back to the film here, right? Yeah. Where, you know, they've gone on this journey of really Robert. Being able to like, Giselle breaks down his walls, right? Because he's so guarded. He's so guarded. He's so jaded. He's a divorce attorney.

51:20 He's been divorced. She just doesn't have hope for happily ever after, what it means. And just slowly over time, he's starting to see that love that she shows to everybody else so freely. I think that's one of the most beautiful things about it is that she just loves everybody. She's so kind to everybody, whoever she runs into. And that really starts to rub off on him. And he starts to see that there's something more there. And so towards the end, she's she's just bitten this poison apple. Right. And she's seemingly kind of dying in his arms. Right. That's kind of where we're at in this in this film. And he suddenly in this moment of like his walls are finally dropping and he's finally starting to realize what Giselle means to him. Like despair.

52:04 And then he says, please don't leave me. Yeah. You know, and you just feel it in that moment. Yeah. Of like, OK. he's finally he finally gets it he finally gets who she is and and what that love means right and you kind of see the the story kind of come full arc there as finally his walls are down finally he's admitting like what what how she's changed him um and it wasn't like an easy moment for him to get there right it was actually a really hard thing for him to get there how do we sometimes hold ourselves back from embracing these relationships that we could have in our lives embracing love embracing um you know the influence other people can have on us if we'll just like let our walls down what what why do we sometimes hold ourselves back from that that's interesting i just had this conversation yesterday with a co -worker along these lines um and he said to me he goes sean he goes you he goes i don't mean this in a negative way but you're much more initially trusting of people than i am and You know, is it through just life experiences? I don't know. You know, why we are the way we are. And maybe a good psychologist could break that down, a therapist or something.

53:20 But I think it's just a lot of it has to do with trust. Yeah. And experience. We kind of alluded to that earlier. I did feel for him, though, like when he says, don't leave me, it's like he finally, like he said, he showed that sign of, I understand you now. I get you now. Oh, my gosh, am I too late? Yeah. And so I think that's where they kind of grip your heart in the movie. But I think it has to do with trust. I think we put up a wall. And I've noticed, in my opinion, this is my own personal experience, but I feel like bigger cities, there's more of these walls. Sure. I go to Knoxville, Tennessee, where my biological father. moved back to and we did have a relationship you know he passed away unexpectedly in a boating accident but when I went back to I'd go back to Knoxville Tennessee and I could be filling up gas in my car and start talking and tell my life story to someone there and I don't know if it's you know just smaller town people tend to trust each other more but the trust you put up these walls because you don't want to get hurt Burn because maybe you put yourself out there. And that may be the other thing. Maybe he he'd put himself out there a lot and got burned. And so that's right. Yeah, I think that's right. You know, we it's definitely fear. Right. It's fear that we're going to put ourselves out there and be rejected. Right. It's fear that we'll be hurt. And this fear just holds

54:50 us back, holds us back from more quality connection, more quality relationships. And then I think increasingly, too, what we see is is. As technology becomes more and more prominent, it's creating more and more disconnection. It's easier for many people just to open their phone and start scrolling rather than keeping it in their pocket and having a conversation. Because it's not easy sometimes, right? To just like strike up a conversation, especially if you're out of practice, especially if you don't do it very often. I think a lot of times too for kids, it's hard. We were in this discussion the other day at a family dinner on Sunday night that in the school district that my kids are in, really it's in the entire state of Utah, but they have this new policy. You know about it, I'm sure more than anybody, about not having your cell phones. Bell to bell, right?

55:38 From the beginning bell to the end bell that you can't have your cell phone, you can't have it open at all. Like it's got to stay put away the entire day. And there are many kids that are freaking out about it. And yet one of the things that I think we're all kind of hoping happens. I think that the legislature when they put into place is hoping happens. I think many parents are hoping happens is that we start to see more of kids connecting, right? Because there's been so much more disconnection because of phones, because of electronics, but creating more connection because you can't just revert your phone. You actually have to talk to somebody. Yeah. I don't remember where I got the phrase. Somebody coined the phrase disconnect to connect. Which I think is so true. Yeah. You talk about in the classroom, you know, if somebody's on their phone, we even said this a lot of times in basketball practice, you know, be where your feet are. You know, I mean, you can be standing there or sitting there and, you know, you're enthralled, you're deep into whatever's on your phone. And sometimes...

56:42 In fact, we do, we call it, you know, there's a thing called speed dating. Yeah. Well, we called it speed friendshiping. And I stole that lesson from somebody else. But we try to do it near the beginning of a class. We did it even with our basketball team for team building stuff. But you basically, I would ask, I'd have a topic and I'd say, you know, if you had a million dollars, you know, what would you do? And they would be sitting across from someone and you have. Ones and the twos. I'd say ones, you got 45 seconds. Share that response to the twos. And then the twos would go. And then I'd have the ones stay. And then the twos would all shift and rotate to the next seat. So now there's a new person in front of them. New prompt. When you grow up, what are some careers you could see yourself pursuing? Whatever. But I mean, and when the lesson was presented to me. I was like, Robert, I'm like, this sounds so lame. I can't get these kids to talk in class. It's always the same four or five kids responding. And I feel like it's me and four or five kids with 40 others listening.

57:49 But every time I've done that activity, they love it. And they get to talk and they get to just share what's on their mind. So it's in all of them. Like you said, technology has made us lock into our phones. I can't imagine what it's like. I'm sorry for being long -winded on this answer, but I can't imagine what it's like. I'm 59. Cell phones have been in our lives for 20 years. And yeah, I'm on my phone more than I should be. But these kids, it's all they know. And like I said, their brains are still developing. And maybe they go home and maybe they're just on their phones all day when they're at home. So it's got to be even more of a challenge for them. break free out of that but yeah that lesson did it surprised me the teacher you know it's interesting um there there's some real support for that with some studies so um allison brooks wrote a book called talk and she did a ted talk on it and I think she's a Stanford professor, I want to say. Hopefully it's Stanford. It might be Harvard. I can't remember which one. It's one of those. They're both good, right? It's one of the Ivy League schools. And in her book, she talks about an experiment that is so similar to what you just said. It's with adults, but the idea is in her talk acronym, the first...

59:08 the first letter is t and it's for topic and moving topics that a lot of times in the art of having a conversation people don't understand like just move topics like have a topic and then move topics yeah and so when they would do this kind of like idea of speed dating with friendships relationships actually was like with her with her students that she would do it and then they did experiments with other just regular people it was like giving them assigned topics and having them move topics actually they love doing it yeah like random things too it didn't have to be anything like earth shattering they were talking about but just like being comfortable like oh i have a topic i can talk about it yeah and then they did and they connected yeah it's like wow yeah it's so amazing put down your phone and we can actually talk yeah it's It's refreshing, you know, and we keep talking about it and we need to do it more at home. We keep saying how we're going to put our phones down and just having this conversation, you know, and with my wife being here, I'm sure maybe this is a good thing.

59:58 So I appreciate that. But, you know, it's just, yeah, I just think technology is. There's some positive things and there's some things that aren't so good. And that's one of the drawbacks, I think. Yeah. I think what we just have to continue to do is much like ourselves can grow. We have to learn to grow with what technology is to use it for the good things and then to try to make sure we're filtering it out for the things that aren't so good. Because like you said, technology can do some great things for us. It can really help us do a lot of things we could never do before. Now it's finding the balance, right? Finding, okay, how are we going to grow together with this technology? Right. How are we going to have it? Yeah. really helping us and not like hurting us. It's a great point. One of the things we'll do is, so we always like to do a couple of fun segments. I want to run you through real quick. One's called this or that. Okay. And so you're just going to tell me which one you think.

1:00:47 Okay. And if it's controversial, I will call you out on it and I will tell you. No, I'm just kidding. No, I love transparency. You can be transparent with me. And then after that, we'll do a rapid fire, which is first thing that comes to your mind. And then what we'll do at the end is we'll circle back to this idea of relationships. and see what your actionable takeaways are that you would recommend that somebody could put into effect in their lives today or this week to start building stronger relationships or um helping show more love or receive more love from those in their lives okay so ready for this or that i'm ready okay here it goes okay this first one's going to be more related to the film okay to enchanted okay central park picnic or fairy tale ballroom dance Central Park Picnic. Yeah, we're going to go there too, right? You know my reason though? Tell me. When she runs around and saying, how do you know that she loves you? And she's going up to different people and Robert's trying so hard to... not, you know, come on, let's go.

1:01:48 We got to be here. I just love that whole scene. I love Central Park in the daytime. In the daytime. Yeah. The nighttime I've heard in the nighttime, maybe not as safe, but I love Central Park. My wife and I have been to New York City a few times and we love doing e -bikes around the park. I've run around it a few times. Like Central Park's a good time. Definitely, definitely during daylight though. Okay. Here's, here we're going to go with some kind of sports themed. Okay. I like that. Man to man or zone defense? Man to man. You man -to -man guy. Lots of trapping, but man -to -man. Yeah. Yeah. How about a triangle in two? You ever pulled that out? We did. We did. This was years ago. I like to mix it up, though.

1:02:29 Okay. Obviously, like if a team calls timeout, I'll go into a zone in the next possession. So it screws up the play that he just called timeout for. My old high school basketball coach used to say if we had done a zone defense back in… in the war, we'd still be a British colony. So that was his thing. So he was all about man -to -man. It's all about man -to -man. It's all about man -to -man. So I'm a man -to -man guy, yeah. See, I grew up... I was born in 82, so grew up mostly in the 90s. And we were huge Utah fans, huge Utah fans. Yeah, Majerus. Rick Majerus Day. Yes. And I remember him deploying the triangle in two against Arizona in March Madness. And I had never really heard of it before. I heard of Boxing One, like everybody had. And it worked so brilliantly. It was like, oh my gosh, this guy's a genius. I love that. I do like the triangle.

1:03:19 Okay, buzzer beater or a blowout win? Oh, buzzer beater. You've got to love those, right? When you're on the winning side. That's true. If you're on the losing side, oh, so heartbreaking. I've been on those a few times. I always said I'd rather learn more from a one -point win than a one -point loss. But there's always something to gain from even blowouts on both sides. That's why we love March Madness. That's exactly right. I mean, I always tell everybody March Madness for me, that's my Super Bowl. Now, I love the Super Bowl, right? Like, it's so fun. I love football. It's three weeks long. But if I get one event, one sporting event in the year, it's March Madness. And for me, it's actually like the first two days as well. Yes. Like, I want to have all the games on. Like, I want to have them all up. I want to watch it the whole day.

1:04:03 I always take those first two days off of work. And I'm just like soaking it in, watching buzzer beaters, watching Cinderella. Yeah. Like that is the best. I'm with you. I've incorporated my classes into it, you know, where I would just let them draw out of a hat and then their team won, you know, you get them Chick -fil -A. Oh, yeah. And then you have kids who aren't even interested in basketball wanting to watch it, you know. Oh, yeah. And I could always apply. Find March Madness. I could make it a health topic somehow. For sure. You totally can. You can find a way to apply everything, right? I love March Madness. We love it. Okay. How about this? Pre -game pep talk or halftime adjustment pep talk? Halftime adjustment. Okay. The main reason why is because pregame pep talk, if it's a team you've never played before, you're just basing it off film. Yeah. And it's them against another team. But you really, you know, I want to be able to assess on that team and the counters and the decisions. You counter their counter and things like that. What's taking place in that first half and the adjustments you make.

1:05:03 That's the key. And plus, I feel like. Me personally, I felt like I was a better coach at halftime adjustments than I was pregame over the years because I felt like it was more, it's right there. This just happened. Maybe somebody's in foul trouble, so you can go out there. Maybe you can go in at someone more, but you can make those adjustments. Whereas there's still a lot of unknowns. Yeah. watching film and pregame. So I'm a half -time adjustment. I love that. Half -time adjustments are great. Okay. We're going to go to a little bit of Disney stuff here for a second. Okay. Rope drop or fireworks at the end of the night? That's a tough one. Especially for you with your rope drop stories. I mean, this is tough. I'm going to say rope drop because I remember as a kid when the fireworks would go off, there was this excitement, but there was also this part of me like... It's over. It's over. The night's over and you don't want it to end. So there's a little bit of melancholy in there.

1:06:02 So you're just like, yeah, where's rope drop? It's all. Let's go, baby. Total excitement. Yeah. Like so pumped for the day. Yeah. I'm going with rope drop. I love that one. Okay. Matterhorn, which you've got some ties to, or the steam engine train. Steam engine train. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't the first ride everybody wants to go to. It wasn't even the first ride I ever wanted. But if somebody said, you have one ride. You can only pick one and you'll never ride the other one again. What would it be? Without even second thought, steam engine. Yeah, I love that. Especially the part where you go through with the dinosaurs. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course, that's a great part. I mean, I always like the train too when it's like really hot out and I need a little bit of a break. Yeah. Yes. Let's just go on the train for a minute. Do you remember riding or reading up a ride called the People Mover? Oh, yeah, of course. So our big thing was we used to go to that place, I think it was the Astro Place or whatever, where that stage comes up out of the ground, you know, in Tomorrowland.

1:07:01 Yeah. And we'd buy our, they were Astro Burgers. And we'd stuff them in our pockets and we'd go on the people mover. And we'd just ride out. And it's like you just said, we'd relax and we'd sit there. And we thought it was so cool, you know, eating our hamburgers, you know, and riding the people mover and all that. And I love that ride. That was a fun, just like take a load off a little bit. And there was never, it was one of those things where it's just that. conveyor belt just turning so there was never a line you just the ride slows down you hop in and you go you know that was a fun one yeah i i miss that being at disneyland they still have a disney world but i miss it being at disneyland i did i did enjoy that um okay churro or dole whip dole whip wait wait wait oh man dole whip dole whip look this is a tough one for me i i love the churros yeah but for me dole whip i've got to get the dole whip when i'm going to the tiki room You know, yes. Because when I do, it's like part of the experience. And there's something about the Tiki Room that to this day, I have to see it when I go there. And I love it every time. And that was so state of the art when I was a kid. I remember just like, how do they do that? Or the Lincoln thing. But I wonder, I'm sitting there thinking, I wonder if it'd be good if you took a churro and dipped it in a Dole Whip. Almost like dipping a Wendy fry into the frosting kind of situation. Okay. It would be worth at least one bite to try. Yeah, that might be worthwhile. The Disney Dole Whip is really good. Yeah, I do love it. Okay, Disneyland or California Adventure? Disneyland. Yeah. Do you like California Adventure or are you still

1:08:32 just a Disneyland purist? You know what? There was a ride that we went on that I wasn't excited to go on. What was the one? Were you yours? You're soaring over things and they're throwing the scent out. You're smoking as you go. Soaring over California and then soaring over the world. And then recently they just updated it for the semi -sequentennial, whatever it is, for soaring over America. Oh. Yeah. See, and I love that. I mean, great rides. There's some great rides there, but there's just so much sentimental. There's so many things. I mean, we haven't talked about Tom Sawyer's Island. Oh, great. As a kid, I loved and just, I think every, I just, Disneyland, easily. I really enjoy the rides they have at California Adventure. There will always be a nostalgia for Disneyland. Yeah. That is, that can't be replaced. Like, I've gone to Disney World a few times. It's fantastic. I really enjoy.

1:09:27 When given the choice stuff, I had to. It's Disneyland every time for me because of the nostalgia for me, right? Growing up going there, what it means to me, the things that are there. Well, and like if you – if your kids hadn't been to Disneyland before, I think you said you have one that's four, do you say? Six. She's six years old. If she'd never been there before and you were only allowed to take her to one park, I mean that's kind of how I was looking at it also. It's like – There's so many things I want them to see at Disneyland. Oh, yeah. Great things at the other one, too, but I want them to experience and see what I saw. And there's so many more things at Disneyland for young kids, too, right? In Fantasyland, there are so many rides they can go on there, right? You've got the Carousel. You've got Dumbo.

1:10:09 You've got Snow White. You've got Alice in Wonderland. Peter Pan. Oh, that is such a great ride. To this day, it's such a great ride. Come on, everybody. Here we go. You know, and there's so many things stuck in my head. I don't know if you knew this or not. And I just found this out not too long ago. And I even Googled it, so it's got to be right. But the name Wendy originated from the book and Peter Pan. I did not know that. And I looked it up and if you ever get some time, look into it, but find something different. But that's what they say. It originated Wendy. It was Wendy was like short for Gwendolyn or something like that. But the name Wendy was first used in Peter Pan. Wow. I did not know that. Yeah.

1:10:51 There you go. Yeah. Fantastic. I didn't believe it. I Googled it and I'm like, man. You're like, well, I guess it's true. Yeah. It might be true. Yeah. It might be true. It might be true. Okay. Here's our last this or that. Fantasyland or Tomorrowland? I don't know. That's a tough one. I intentionally made it hard. Yeah, that's a tough one. Okay. Basically, I'm saying Matterhorn or Pirates of the Caribbean. Is that what we're saying? No, that's Frontierland. That's Frontierland. Adventureland, it kind of is. I'm going to go Tomorrowland. Because you like Space Mountain, right? I like Space Mountain and Matterhorn.

1:11:37 And when it first came out, I loved Star Tours. And that's right there at the beginning. And PeopleMover was there as well. It was? Yeah. So I'll go to Marlin. And back in the day, this was never unheard of, but you would go in these rooms and you could put money in. It's like a pay phone. But it was... You didn't have to use a phone. You could just talk. So you could call people. And it's no big deal now. It's just using speakerphone with our phones. But it was unheard of back in the day. So I remember we'd always go over there and we'd call home and say, hey, mom, dad, I'm at Disneyland. But you're just sitting in this room talking to them and hearing their voice. It's so fun. And now it's like not a big deal. But back then it was huge. Yeah.

1:12:18 Yeah. Totally different experience back then. Yeah. Okay. Here's our rapid fire segment. Okay. So just first thing that comes to your mind. Okay. Don't take it too serious. Okay. You ready? Here we go. Favorite Disney movie? Peter Pan. So good. Favorite Disney song? Boy, you caught me off guard on that one. Can we come back to that one? We can. This is the one that usually gets people. I should have prepped you before because this is the one that people usually gets because there's so many Disney songs. It's hard to think about which one it is. I know. Okay. Jiminy Cricket, When You Wish Upon a Star. Oh, yes. To me, it's... Like, I think there's so many good ones. I think that that movies, it's okay. Like Pinocchio. It's good. Like, I like it. And I watched it with my kids and I like it, but there's something that that song did that transcended. And there's a reason why they play that so frequently. They do the firework show at the end. There's so it's, there's a reason why it's in so many of the, the beginning movies where they show the castle and the star across it, because that song. It's just unbelievable.

1:13:18 That song alone makes that movie incredible, just makes things magical. And that song for me, I mean, just thinking about the lyrics, it gives you hope. To me, it's like your dreams can come true. The lyrics are amazing. And who doesn't love Jiminy Cricket? Oh, yeah, Jiminy Cricket's great. Such a good answer. No one's answered that way yet on this podcast, so I love that answer. Okay, favorite Disney princess? I'm going to say Giselle because I love Enchanted so much. Okay, good. But there were some great ones, you know, but I'm going to say Giselle. Great answer. Favorite Disney hero? Actually, so many movies. Okay. This is – I don't know if he was a hero in the movie, but like in Fantasia, I mean, I don't – Mickey Mouse, I mean, he's the star of it. Yeah. I love it. But I don't know if he's the hero, but – We're going to call him the hero. He can be the hero. Yeah. I mean, to me, I just – Mickey Mouse is Disneyland to me. When we watched the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with my granddaughter and they do roll call.

1:14:26 Yeah. They do all that. But when she sees Mickey, that's when she smiles. Yeah. So there's something about Mickey. There is. He's – That's actually a great answer. No one's answered that way for it, but I absolutely agree. Mickey Mouse is a hero, and that's a great answer. He's Disneyland. He is. You know? He is. Favorite ride at Disneyland? Okay. You're probably not going to expect this answer because I'm so old school with my responses, but I loved Rise of the Resistance. It's so good. I thought it was so good. It was just something I hadn't experienced before. I love it. It's new, but... The ride, that really just, oh, man.

1:15:08 The Haunted Mansion, I haven't memorized the whole part where you come in. Are these rooms actually stretching or is it just your imagination? I mean, that ride was so cool. Even when I go on, I feel so good. I think initially when I was a kid, Most fun I've ever had on a ride was probably Haunted Mansion. Pirates of the Caribbean was close second. But older now, like when we go, I'm like, I want to go on that Rise of the Resistance again. Probably because it's so new. Yeah. And I haven't been on it so many times. But it's also just so impressive. Yeah. You know, I remember first going on it and my comment at the time was, this is the greatest production of an attraction that's ever been created. Like the whole thing, right? Like you walk into that room and you see all the stormtroopers, the enormity of the room. And you're just like. You feel like you're on the desktop. You do. It felt exactly that way. They did such an amazing job creating that experience. That's a great ride. And like you mentioned, the trackless thing. Yeah. And I like the lightsaber going through the wall.

1:16:10 Oh, yeah. Very. Yeah. They did a very nice job with that. Now, I do have to ask you with Haunted Mansion. Do you like the re -thing they do? with Nightmare Before Christmas. No, I'll tell you why. Oh, you don't? Well, here's the thing. Not that I don't like it. I do. No, no, no. It's not I don't like it. It's just every time we go, because it's newer technology, it always breaks down. Oh, yeah. In fact, the last time we were there was during Halloween, and we kept going to it. And sorry, folks, it broke down again. And so they finally told us it's newer technology on an old technology ride, so they always have problems. So that's why. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's just that. If you can't go on it. It's always broken down. It's always broken. But yeah, I like it. But I prefer the old, the original one. Yeah, it's totally fair. Totally fair there. Okay. Favorite Peter Pan character? Because I know you like Peter Pan. Yeah. I mean, Peter Pan. Yeah. You know.

1:17:12 I mean, Tinkerbell's pretty awesome, too. Tinkerbell's awesome. I really like Shmi. Oh, Shmi, okay. I love Shmi. I don't know what it is. I just think Shmi is just – I just laugh when Shmi's up there. It's just like a comic relief for me. And you know what's funny is that I love that you're asking these questions because I think we watch these movies and we always have a character that maybe we can relate to or something like that. But you love them all. Like Captain Hook, you know, he's the antagonist, but you love him, you know. And, you know, blast you, Pan. We used to always say that, you know. But his music is awesome, too. But I just, you know. peter pan was providing this magical place and did you did you ever watch hook yes with robin williams i love that movie yeah robin williams was amazing dustin hoffman was awesome that's right hook julia roberts was in it she was tinkerbell and she was terrific and you know who's in that too was gwyneth paltrow she plays wendy did she yeah i didn't realize that yeah and uh that was good robin williams did a great job yeah that was such a great show yeah that was good um Okay.

1:18:15 Favorite Disney sports movie. Remember the Titans. I love that one. There's, you know, yeah. Remember the Titans. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's just a classic. Yeah. It's a great movie. Denzel was amazing in that. They were all amazing. Perfect. You know, a great movie. That's one thing that's about Disney. I love one of the many things, but they find the right actors. They cast really well. you know they cast the right people for some of these roles who you like yeah okay that was exceptional casting in that movie yeah uh from denzel washington uh playing the main coach the guy who played the other coach yeah the bb assistant coach he was terrific the the athletes that they had in there and the the back and forth that they had the way that they i mean you just felt you felt it and you felt the them honoring what actually happened in real life for that because it's based on true events like they did a really nice job with that and the young uh what's his name from the notebook I remember his name. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling's in that.

1:19:12 The young Ryan Gosling's in that. I remember him trying to dance in the locker room. But yeah, and you love all those characters, all those players. Yeah, for sure. Well, so as we kind of wrap up, what we always love to do, as I mentioned, is we like to get some actionable takeaways. What we believe in is trying to give people some real things that they could go put into effect and put into action in their life right now. And so if you were to say, like, what are three things that somebody could do? today or this week to build stronger relationships or to Have a little bit more love in their life or help break down their walls a little bit more like rubber did What would three things that you would give to somebody be? That's a tough question.

1:19:57 Um, I Mean there was one that popped in my head right away Listen more talk less. Okay, when you're when you're trying to if you're If it's a new relationship or even if it's a current relationship, listen more. What's that saying? We have two ears and one mouth. Because that's part of what we talked about earlier is getting to know someone. The only way you can get to know someone is like we're both listening to each other and that's how we're getting to know each other. So I think that's one. I think another one is be more forgiving. That's something that I – I try to do, you know, like I said, nobody's perfect, but I need, you know, just to be more forgiving. And by the way, you know, you're asking my opinion. I don't claim to be an expert in any of these things, but just be more forgiving to people because, you know, we all, none of us are perfect, you know, and sometimes I think, you know, we put pressure on ourselves. You know, we're always trying to. be accepted, please people and all that. And if we're not forgiving of people, then people might not feel that acceptance that they want. But, you know, if we all live, and I'm sorry for this answer, it'll be a little longer, but, you know, there's some videos by Dove, Dove Soap. I don't know if you've seen some of them. They're amazing. But they do these – they use three different parts of the world.

1:21:22 That way they said it wasn't just for the area. One was in America. One was in an Asian country. I forgot. But it says they had these doors walking into an office building, you know. And it says beautiful and average. And they just wanted to see what people would walk through at doors, you know. And then after they'd walked through them, they'd pull them to the side and they'd interview them and ask them, why did you pick that, you know. And it was amazing how – Many people just chose the average door. And you're looking at these people going, they look like they're confident. But on the inside, they're not. I don't know. Just being more accepting of people I think would be huge. And, well, for a relationship, I'm going to go back to what we said, the unconditional love. Just be unconditional love. i i love i think i mean i know it sounds a little bit what i said earlier but just be accepting be accepting of others you know and i think as we do that we can start to do what you suggested earlier which is understanding that our relationships we're all growing and becoming somebody different and embracing the fact that we are and growing together rather than apart when we are becoming somebody different and we can do that by By loving unconditionally, by being more accepting and forgiving of those.

1:22:46 When we do make mistakes and we do things that are goofy and, you know, like I do stuff and I'm a bonehead all the time. And thankfully my wife's very forgiving, right? Because make those mistakes. But as we do that, then we can start to grow closer together. Well, and, you know, I feel like, and I talk about this with students, my life has become easier when I have less contention in my life. And I feel like I have less contention in my life. When I'm more kind and accepting and all those things, you know, when you just, it's so much easier to be kind than it is to nitpick or to judge others. Because a lot of that sometimes comes from our own insecurities. Right. But I think sometimes you just, you know, my last 20 years of my life has been a lot easier because I feel like I've tried, let go of all the, all that stuff. Sure. You know, the, the worldly stuff and just, just. Just enjoying the moment, you know, and just loving people and all that. And there's less stress in my life, you know, and I try to share that with others.

1:23:45 I think back when I was in high school, I wasn't always the nicest kid and there was always contention in my life, you know, back then. And so, you know, it's just, just be kind and just life, life, a lot easier. I feel for sure. Well, thank you so much for being on with us today. Thanks for having me. Such a fun conversation to be able to learn about. You and your family heritage, learn how Disney, Disneyland, Disney movies have shaped and affected you, but also what you've been able to do for others because of that as you have helped raise a wonderful family, as you have had so much influence on students, on people that you've coached, and you continue to have that same influence. So what a pleasure speaking with you today. I appreciate it. Thanks for letting me share memories, especially my mom and papa. They were amazing. So I appreciate you letting me bring them back to life and share a little bit about them to people who didn't know them. As you leave this conversation, remember that yes, the past can hurt and you can either run from it or you can learn from it. So here's to learning and finding joy in the journey. See you real soon.