Encanto and Losing Everything | James Alvarez on Finding Purpose

0:00 I remember that moment when really my life change was just a regular Tuesday, like today. And I remember something's missing, but you don't know what it is, but you just go throughout your day. And that's how I felt that day. When we found out that it was going to be a girl, we knew she was going to be the princess of both households. We lost it. I was like, I can't believe I'm going to be a daddy's girl, right? Seeing her in those tubes fighting for her life really destroyed me. But it was the strength that I needed. I saw her in that bed as she's progressing in a positive way. And I'm like, this little girl is fighting for her life to be here. I need to do the same. I need to fight to be here for her.

0:50 I wanted to be a father. This is my time to shine. And I think that's why I resonate more with Casita because I always felt this energy. And I don't know if it's her present, my late wife present, always guiding me. When I notice like butterflies or a hummingbird, you know, and I always be like, that's her. That's her checking in on us. I could get through this. Yeah. She has my back. Welcome to Yes And Land. where we say yes to the reality of yesterday and today, and we say and to the possibility, growth, and imagination of tomorrow.

1:37 All right, welcome to another episode of Yes and Land. We are very excited today because we are talking with somebody who has a very inspiring story of overcoming grief and loss. And there's also, of course, as we always do, there's a Disney tie -in, but a real -life Disney tie -in for James and for the things he's experienced with his family. He's a real inspiration to many, many people. He's got quite the following online because so many people connect with this story that we can all relate to. We all have loss and grief that we experience in our lives. And the strength that James has showed is he's overcome the loss that he'll talk about more in detail today. Again, it's very inspiring. So, James, welcome to the program. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Looking forward to. Telling my story and sharing with your audience. Yeah. And I can already tell, right? We can already see the Disney -ness with you because you've got your snow white shirt on. You're repping today.

2:39 So appreciate that. And looks like a beautiful, beautiful place that you're there too. You're in California, right? Absolutely. Not so far away from Disneyland. How long of a drive? How long of a drive to get to Disneyland for you? I would say, depending on LA traffic, I reside in L .A. Depending on L .A. traffic, it could take from 40 minutes to even up to two hours. But it has never stopped me from going. You've got to go at the right time, right? A lot of times when we go to Disneyland, we'll fly into LAX. So we've got to have that commute over. We try to make sure we avoid that happening during rush hour in the morning or the afternoon. Because otherwise, it can end up being those two hours.

3:23 And that's the last thing you want, right? Get to Disneyland faster. Yeah, it's dreadful. But you know what? Once you're there, once you're at the park, you forget about all your worries and you kind of enjoy it and a little escape from reality. Right. So it's beautiful. You know, that's what I love about Disney. You know, it just it gives me the opportunity to kind of escape from all the troubles, all the stress, you know, all my feelings, you know, even if I'm down or. and just kind of leave that behind and just be able to enjoy the moment. But most importantly now, having children, enjoying the moment with them. It's this nostalgia that always brings you back to living your childhood memories, right?

4:14 For sure. And then you kind of reminisce those beautiful memories. And now that you have children, Now it's your job to do the same for them, right? Now it's your opportunity to kind of embed those beautiful memories in them. So to me, it's so special because it's like I'm reliving it again. Because it's like I'm reliving it through them. And I love that. So it's just like, man, you know, like. This is where I this is what I used to this is my first ride or this is where I used to get my favorite churro. And then just, you know, telling the kids and then the kids get excited and then they're excited, too. They're like, oh, my gosh, can't wait to have a churro or, you know, I can't wait to ride the Dumbo ride, you know. So those little memories, it's it's it's beautiful because I get to relive it again. Yeah, for sure. So so what I've heard you kind of referencing is kind of this nostalgia from childhood. So did you grow up going to Disneyland?

5:07 You know what? I grew up in a Mexican family. You know, it's unfortunately, there weren't the type of family that had passes and we used to go often. You know, it was more of like at least once a year, but at least we went a year. Right. So we were we were thankful for that. So I remember I even have a picture of my first time that I went. I was one years old. I remember that. picture of myself and that was at that time when thriller was going on because i swear i had the little michael jackson red latex suit at disney you know but that's beautiful you know that that they gave me the opportunity to experience it and then yeah we would go like every year and i remember there was a time that uh they used to give out free tickets for your birthday And I used to take advantage of that. And I used to go out for my birthday. And yes, I pretty much grew up with Disney, watching their cartoons.

6:11 I wanted to be an animator. You wanted to be an animator. Yeah, so I actually wanted to be an animator. So I used to watch, I used to grow up, you know, like wake up every morning and watch Disney cartoons. I mean, you're talking, I'm not talking about. uh mickey's clubhouse i'm talking about the original steamboat willie uh you know uh mickey's the silly symphony you were watching the old ones yes i like the throwbacks like the originals like that hand that hand -drawn uh original selves you know like i watched that and i grew up watching that and i always wanted to be an animator because those cartoons made me so happy that for me it was like i want to bring that happiness to a kid i want to be able to to uh give that that feeling that i had when watching these cartoons to a kid in my generation so i was like i always want to be an animator and i used to i went to school i did all that um unfortunately i took a different route you know went to the medical uh field uh did you what did you study what did you study to go in the medical field I'm actually in the ultrasound tech. So, yes. Yeah. Ultrasound. Yeah. It's so different. But you know what? I love it because I love to help. I love to help the community as much possible. And for me, it was just helping somebody, you know, it means a lot to me. And

7:44 even though I do ultrasound, I still dabble a little bit. I still draw. I help the kids with their projects. You know, I love, you know, sometimes when we go out to dinner and. get a chance i'll scribble like a little cartoon uh on the receipt uh with my signature on it and kind of you know give give the the waitress or the waiter um a little uh happen happiness note or picture you know so i dabble a little bit here and there but yeah i haven't i haven't lost i haven't lost the the the touch of of drawing i still love it it's still in my head so you um you finished high school you go do some schooling you become an ultrasound tech when when uh when did you end up getting married what did that look like and and uh kind of walk us through that yeah well that's where i actually met uh my my late wife that's where i actually met her in in in uh ultrasound school so she was going to ultrasound school as well um i was a little bit shy and really focused on my uh My schooling. So I was really determined to finish school. I wanted to, you know, just have something, a degree.

8:58 Right. So I was really focused. I really didn't talk to her. I knew she was in classes and I see her around school, but I never really get a chance to talk to her. I talked to her finally when I graduated. She was still going to school. I graduated and I messaged her on Facebook. We just started hitting it off and started hanging out. And next thing led to another. And we decided we wanted to take that next step of getting married, you know, doing things right. You know, so we were dating for two years. We wanted to make sure everything was correct in our end, you know, before moving in and, you know, having kids and stuff like that. So we did it the correct way.

9:41 Like, you know, our parents really loved that. We asked for their blessings. They gave it to us. We got engaged. We started living together, set up for the wedding, and we got married. It was a beautiful wedding. So what was her name? Her name was Yesenia Aguilar. So Yesenia, so you and Yesenia, you meet kind of this at school, kind of as you're kind of finishing. You guys date is really hitting off. You get engaged. Did she have a love for Disney at that time? Did she have any Disney ties? Well, yeah. Well, the thing was, she lived in Anaheim, so she lived very close to to Disney and. She didn't have the. The chances that go as often, you know, she used to go like here and there, you know, when she had family that worked there. But when we started dating, she started going to school.

10:44 So she she went to ultrasound school to kind of get it, get a degree. But it wasn't her passion. Her passion was to do hair, to do cosmetology. So I kind of pushed her to do that. So when we started dating, I kind of told her, like, you know, do follow your dreams, like do what you will make you happy. Don't do something that's going to pay you bill, pay your bills. You know, like if you love what you do, you can still pay your bills, too. But if you don't do something that you don't love, then it's going to it's it's going to kill the joy in life. You know, so do something that you love. So she just decided to go to back to school. And at that time with school, you know, it was hard to find a job that's flexible with their school schedule. So I told her, hey, I know Disney will work with you and will be happy to kind of or be happy to support you while you're going to school. So, yeah, she applied and she became a cast member. She was at she actually worked main gate. So she was handling tickets and scanning people in and stuff like that. So she. That's her tie in. And for me, it was a benefit because I get to go to Disney for free. Yeah, it was great. It was it was a great. Yeah. So she she became to love Disney as much as I did by working there. Yeah, and they – I mean I think it's well -documented that cast members generally speaking just really,

12:14 really love working for Disney. I watched one of the specials. They had done I think originally on 2020 and now it's showing on Disney+. And they were talking with Josh Gad who of course played Olaf and they let him go be the Jungle Cruise skipper for a day. And he was just talking about how just walking around the park and getting exposed to different cast members, how much the cast members loved being there, no matter what their role was. Right. Like any role that a cast member had, that there's just such joy that they're bringing to other people and helps them also have joy as a cast member. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was beautiful to see her work there because, you know, she was a very quiet person. And being there kind of helped her open up and she made a lot of friends. And even after what happened, a lot of cast members reached out to me and was there for me. And I remember telling me stories about their interactions with her. And we'll definitely get into that. But it was very beautiful to hear. uh, such loving and caring hearts that work at Disney. And that's why I believe that what makes Disney so magical, you know, when you go to Disneyland and it's, it's not all about the rides and the food and, and, uh, clothes

13:45 and everything that you go for, but it's the people that work there that makes it truly special. Yeah. They, they definitely bring it, bring it home. They make it more real. It's, uh, yeah, it's really something special. So she's working there as a cast member, working the main gate. When did she stop working? Because I think this was right – this was before or right before COVID when COVID shut down Disneyland. Is that right? Yeah, that was in the – that was pretty much it. Yeah, she was furloughed because of COVID. That's when it was like they're shutting out everything. For the first time, they shut down Disneyland, which was crazy to find out. You know, that was a big shocker for us because I believe the only time they ever closed out before was 9 -11. And to hear that they were closing down, it was it was a shocker to all of us. And then when we found out that, you know, she was going to foreload, which kind of was perfect.

14:46 I would say it was perfect timing in a sense, because. That was a time when we found that she was pregnant. So it was a beautiful time. I would say... Sorry, the rigged camera. It's picking me up. At that time, we found out. She knew how bad I wanted to be a father. I always wanted to be a father. We tried. It never really happened.

15:36 I think what changed the most was when we changed our mindset. I remember one day we were talking about it and after many attempts and you know, late, uh, was it, uh, uh, warnings that we thought that she was and found out there wasn't, you know, so many attempts, I would say. Uh, how long, how long did you guys try before you were over a year? Um, yeah. Yeah. So over a year, uh, we tried, um, And it just wasn't happening.

16:22 So we kind of changed our thoughts. We were just like, you know what? Hey, if, you know, we're not blessed with a child, as long as we have each other, then that's what we need. That's all we need. You know, we have our family here. If we're not blessed with the kids, then this is our family. Just you and me. And then once we changed that mentality, man, right away, like, I remember. she was late and that she was getting like nauseous all the time, but I didn't want to like, I was kind of like, maybe she is right. And, but I didn't want to say anything because yeah, I didn't want to say anything. Cause you know, there's many times that I like she was late and then I'm like, Oh my gosh, she's pregnant.

17:09 And then she finally was like, Oh no, no, I got my period. And I'm like, dang. So then, um, this time she was like, I'm late and she was nauseous. And I'm like, No, I'm going to wait for her to tell me. I don't want to get my whole tie. I'm just going to let it be. Right. But it was so funny because even my parents noticed it. Like, man, she's like got to the restaurant with throw up like a couple of times. It was something she ate. And I'm like, I don't know. Could be. And then I remember one Thursday, I know it was like her dad's birthday was coming up and she just spontaneously just. told me she's like come to the room i need to tell you something i'm like okay what's wrong what's wrong and then she shows me the slip for the doctor where it said like she was pregnant and i started uh crying i started bawling i remember i was like i can't believe uh this is really happening like i'm actually gonna be a father you know like she knew how bad i wanted this and What was that emotion?

18:08 Talk me through what that emotion was. So you've been wanting to for so long. You didn't want to get your hopes up too much. She comes to you and you finally know you're a father. What are the emotions you're experiencing when that happened? It was joy. I feel like it was that emotional moment because we tried so hard and I felt like we were going to just give up on that. And to find out, like, we were blessed to be a father. Like, you know, I was kind of already getting adjusted that, like, I'll never be a father. Like, I just might not never have kids. And to find out that we're having one on the way and really kind of, it was speech, I couldn't put in words, but it was just, it was so emotional to find out that, you know. finally god answered my prayers and i could finally be that father that i always wanted to be and that i could be it was truly great grateful feeling yeah and And so, I mean, I just I can imagine. Right.

19:17 And I have I have four kids. And so I can I can relate in the sense that, like, you know, it's it's this joy. It's this relief. It's this anticipation, sometimes a little bit of fear because we all want to be good parents and being a parent's a lot. And so there's a little bit of that. So you guys are kind of going through, you know, her being pregnant and then, you know, walk us through leading up to kind of that that kind of fateful day. Yeah. So like you mentioned, you know, parenting can be tough. We wanted to prepare as much possible. You know, being a first time parent, you know, we're the ones that were like reading books and listening to what the doctor is telling us and just following directions and trying to eat healthy and just try to be the best parents possibly to welcoming this baby.

20:11 When we found out there was a baby girl, that's where I lost it. And her side of the family had all boys, all boys. Her older sister had all boys. So it was dominated by boys. My side of the family, my parents, they didn't have any grandkids. This was the first grandkid. So regardless, when we found out there was going to be a girl. we knew she was going to be the princess of both households. Guaranteed. She's going to be the one running the show, right? And when we found out it was a baby girl, we lost it. I was like, I can't believe I'm going to be a daddy's girl, right? I'm going to be a girl dad. To me, that was a beautiful feeling. Beautiful feeling. So we definitely took advantage of making sure that Our baby girl was coming into this world with the best atmosphere, the best energy, the best everything possible. So we took it very heavily.

21:21 So the doctor did tell us, hey, you know, in order to have a quick and successful delivery, you know, walk, right? Walk. So we started walking every single day. At that time, we were living in Anaheim. There was a neighborhood because we lived in a kind of like a townhouse complex. And behind us was like a residential area. So we used to walk a lot in that residential area. And we always wrote with Feminist. We always talk about different topics of our dream home and looking at homes and what kind of car we should be driving and how to raise our daughter.

22:05 Disney. I mean, we talked about everything and we loved that. I believe those were the times that we connected more, more deeply. And I remember that moment when really my my life change was just a regular Tuesday like today. I remember at that time was still COVID going on, but I worked for a company that worked for the banks. So we were allowed to work. at the office. So I would go to the office to work. And I remember a little off that day. I don't know. It was like that something that something's missing, but you don't know what it is. But you just go throughout your day. And that's how I felt that day. I remember my colleagues knew how excited I was. for these babies to be born, my baby girl to arrive, that they threw a little baby shower thing in my cubicle.

23:09 And they had, I still have a picture of it, like all the decorations and gifts and all this stuff because they knew how excited I was to be a father. But still, I felt a little off that day. I don't know what it was. And I would check in, see how she's doing, how she's feeling. And I remember she was telling me, she's like, I'm doing well. I'm doing well. I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm like, OK. And I remember driving home and I told her, I was like, hey, would you like to go on a walk and then maybe have dinner afterwards? Or do you want to have dinner and then go walk? Because that was our thing, you know, either dinner and walk or walk and have dinner. And she's like, no, let's go. Let's go walk. Like, I want to go look at a store and kind of check out some blinds for the baby's room. I'm like, OK, that's perfect. So. There's a shopping center right by us. We'll go that direction and we'll wrap around and end up at the end at the residential area and just come home. And she's like, perfect.

24:06 So when I got home, I know she was waiting for me at the sofa. And I could tell she wasn't feeling well, but she still had the courage to go walking, which later I found out from her mom that she had really, really bad morning sickness that day. And she was not feeling well at all. But, yeah, she still had the strength to, like, continue our daily routine. And I remember walking a different route. And we went to the store. We didn't find anything we liked. And we're like, let's just walk home. So we cut through the shopping center. And we were walking down. If people are familiar with the area, we were going eastbound down Cotella.

24:54 really close by to Disneyland. So we're by Cotella and Euclid. So we're going eastbound down Cotella. We hear a screeching sound of a vehicle, like losing control. We both turn around, facing westbound. We see this vehicle just lose control and hop onto this sidewalk, a sidewalk that we're literally standing facing us. As it was going like this, moving towards our direction. Where we're standing, we're standing in front of like this insurance agency office. But in front of us was the shopping center. So there was like a Taco Bell. There's like a Burger King. There's so many things that could have stopped this vehicle from going towards us. It didn't hit up. It missed the pool. It missed the power box. It missed the Taco Bell sign. It missed a brick wall. But yet it was so out of control, still going towards us. And being a gentleman that I am, I always would stand between the street and her. And even being a gentleman could not stop what was going to happen.

26:19 this vehicle structure as i was holding her hand as we're facing this vehicle and it's crazy because people always say it's like your life flashes in front of you it really does it flashes in front of you and it makes you realize like this is your end this is how your story ends and and to me was like i can't believe this is this is it And I can only imagine what she was thinking. Being pregnant at that time, she was 36 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. I can only imagine her thinking, our baby, our baby girl. And the reason I know this is because when it struck her, the car kept going. It didn't stop. It kept going. The only way this vehicle was stopped was by a metal fence across the street. As I'm seeing her laying there, motionless, her holding her tummy, it was like a nightmare. A nightmare that I was waiting to wake up, but I wasn't waking up. I didn't know what to do. Reality wasn't, like, I couldn't grasp this was reality. Tried to resuscitate her. I tried to do what I could,

27:51 what was right. And just seeing her look at me. It was hard to see that. It was hard to see someone just leaving this earth and couldn't do nothing. I didn't even notice people were around me. I was just in a daze. I just couldn't believe it. And I remember calling 911, trying to grasp my thoughts, my words, to try to explain what was going on, and nothing was coming out. Finally, they arrived, and because of COVID, I couldn't go with them. I was left there in her remains.

28:49 And not knowing if she was alive, if she was passed away, nothing, not knowing anything. And I remember like just telling any officer where she, I didn't even know what hospital she was taken to. Finally, an officer told me that they were taken to the UCI Medical Center there in Irvine, very close to. to where we lived. And I remember finally trying to talk to her parents because they lived like around the corner too. Trying to like explain what was going on. And it was hard. It was hard to explain what was going on. Words wasn't coming out. They finally arrived to the scene. They kind of put two and two together and we finally made it to the hospital.

29:43 I remember right away when we got to the hospital, they took us to a room. And I already knew that they were going to give us bad news. And that's when they told us that she passed away. And she wasn't able to make it, that they tried to do their best. But she passed away. In this moment, you have just had this horrible accident happen literally right before you, right in front of your eyes, where you think you might also lose your life, and it kind of flashes before you, and then you unfortunately see her, and it happens to her, and she's— I mean, I just can't get my image out of my head where you said she's still holding her belly as she's sitting there. So they take her off. You don't get to go with, and then you're arriving and they're giving you the bad news. I got to assume that in this moment too, you're also assuming that you've lost your daughter. You've lost both your wife and your, and your daughter. Correct. Yeah. Correct. I already knew what they were going to tell me.

30:57 Like, Hey, you know, like it was kind of like your daughter, you know, it's you, you assume, you know, like she passed away. Obviously, you know, she was, in the womb, she's going to pass away too. Right. And, um, I was already waiting for them to tell me, but when they told me, but, but we have great news. I'm like, what, what, what good music is coming out of this? Right. And then they're like, well, your daughter survived. And I'm like, wait, what can, can you repeat that again? How did my daughter survive? You're telling me that she passed away. Yeah. We were, she went with 22. 20 minutes too little to no oxygen in her womb. So when we could not save your late wife, we had to do an emergency C -section.

31:48 She was unresponsive as well. But with CPR, they were able to bring her back. Wow. And she's in the NICU at the moment. We're still trying to stabilize her. Once she's stabilized, then you can see her. So then I'm like... I was in shock. You know, I was expecting this bad news. I mean, it's just like, what more pain can you give me? You know, but then to find out that she's surviving, all I was thinking was, I hope she works, that she... She fights for her life, right? Now it's a critical, she's a critical condition. I hope she fights for her life that she wants to be there. And I was just, I remember just sitting out, her family was coming and they were all grieving. And, you know, it's just, it was really tough time. Finally, my parents arrived. I told them what happened. They couldn't believe it.

33:01 When I told them that, like, my daughter survived, they were shocked. They were like, wait, you just told me that she passed away. Like, how did they save her? I'm like, I don't know. They just did. And I guess it was almost till midnight. I remember it was almost midnight when I was finally able to see my daughter. And I remember telling them, do you want to come and see her? But they were so, like, in grief. You know, they just weren't in the right state of mind, you know, to see her. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to take my mom. Just be there to support me, you know, mentally. So I go up there and seeing her. There's videos on my page, too, that you could see what I'm referring to. But she was with tubes and everything and breathing apparatus.

33:55 And seeing her in that condition really broke me. I mean imagine at that point in time you don't know how well she's going to survive even, right? You know in 20 minutes without oxygen is a long time. And I got to imagine that there's also some of that like how is this going to affect her? Is she even going to make it? So they've got her here now. Is she going to make it? What's that going to be like? Is she going to have permanent brain damage? I mean I just got to imagine there's this whirlwind of emotions you're experiencing in that moment. Yeah, it just... I can never get that out of my head, just seeing her. It really broke me because she was forced into this world. It was still not her time to come into this world, but because of a drunk driver deciding to get in a vehicle at 7 o 'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday. It changed my whole life and not even just my life. But you're talking about my daughter. Because they're the ones that are the ones that are affected the most. Our children is always the ones that being affected the most.

35:14 And to me, that what broke me. Seeing her in those tubes, seeing her, how she was just fighting for her life. Really destroyed me. But. It was the strength that I needed. Seeing her fight for her life and getting better and progressing. The next day or two, the breathing apparatus was removed. She was breathing on her own. Even though she was brought into the world forcefully, she had jaundice because they considered her still a preemie. She fought through that. She got rid of it. A day or two. They didn't know how much brain damage she was going to get because she had what they call an infarct, which is a small stroke in the frontal lobe. So we didn't know what kind of damage it was going to happen.

36:15 So they did this new procedure, which they would cool down her body to almost freezing temperature to kind of, what they say, to restart or reboot the brain. To avoid any further damage. Whatever damage would happen. Yes that's going to happen. But any further damage. We're trying to avoid that. So they did. That procedure. And seeing her. Just go through that. Like in this cold. Like cold bed. Like freezing cold. And. She's a warrior. And you know she's a warrior. She fought through it. I remember when they told me that I had to restart her body, like pretty much bring up her body temperature to where it's supposed to be. I remember they were telling me that there could be a possibility of her getting a seizure. I suffered from epilepsy. I had it since I was nine years old. I always had epilepsy.

37:26 A lot of people don't know about it. So to me, it was a big deal. So I wanted to be there for her. So I remember staying that night, staying up, just seeing, hopefully, that she didn't get a seizure. She didn't. Thank God she fought through. Her body was at the right temperature, body stabilized. She was fighting. And they told me she overcame so many obstacles that there were stunts. by her condition they said we thought we were going to keep her for months you might take her for in a few weeks i'm stunned right and at that time i'm going through the funeral process going to the funeral i don't know if you ever uh had to deal with that but imagine it's a lot of stress yeah and then on top of that having a daughter and then the NICU And then going through my grief, going through my feelings, going through my pain and suffering. It was tough. It was tough. It was really tough. It's a lot. A lot to handle.

38:38 But you know what? I was like, I have to get through it. I have to get through it. I can't give up. Did the idea of how hard your daughter... had to fight for her own life and the miracle of her surviving, did that really carry you through a lot of this grief? To this very day. This is what helps me up. This is what wakes me up every morning. It's her strength. Her strength that she always fights, always, always fights. And I always remember this. I remember this is the biggest lesson I learned from my daughter. is that I saw her in that bed as she's progressing in a positive way. And I'm like, if this little girl is fighting for her life to be here in this world, I need to do the same. I need to fight to be here for her. I wanted to be a father.

39:45 This is my time to shine. That would be the... best father that I could possibly be for her because she wants to be here for me. So I need to be here for her. And that's where my whole perspective changed. I decided to never show my pain, my suffering in front of my daughter. It was always positivity. It was always happiness in my face. Every time I held her, every time I was with her. It was positive energy because it wasn't her fault that she was placed in that position that she was. It wasn't her fault. And I wanted to make sure that she had all the love that she needs in this world. And that's what made me keep fighting, keep pushing through.

40:46 I remember, like, finally taking her home. They told me that, like, I hope you got plenty of rest. You're definitely going to, any of you have it, rest up because next Tuesday, like, I remember it was, I think it was a Tuesday. I forget what day it was. You're taking her home. So get as much rest. But at that time, I couldn't sleep. You know, I'm going through everything, every emotion possible. Yeah. But I should have. Took their advice because taking her home, I thought she was going to be in that hospital cycle. I'll be fine. It was a country. And let me tell you, I admire, admire every single woman, like single mother out there that raised kids on their own. I admire them because. It was hard.

41:46 Hard. I remember the first week, zero sleep. I swear to you. I looked like those zombies in The Walking Dead. I kid you not. It was so bad. I had to call my mom. I'm like, Mom, I haven't slept for a week. Every time I close my eyes, I catch myself falling asleep. It's not good because I'm with my baby girl. It's not good. So I remember, like, she would come sometimes and help me or, you know, her side of the family would help me, like, watch her and try to, like, catch some Zs. But it's never the case, you know?

42:29 Like, I had the parenting mindset, right? Like, hearing her cry, I'm like, what's going on? What's wrong? You know? And they're like, no, she's okay. She's just hungry. But it was just, like, my father. father in me like just kick it and um yeah i would have to uh uh i remember you know when she would get hungry wake up with her and she's hysterical crying like so hungry and i would go to the kitchen warm up the water up while holding her and trying to get the little scoop of formula into the little bottle like with a lack of sleep and the struggle just trying to get it in the cup in the in the bottle and then pouring the hot water and uh that is not hot enough and then you're just testing it and then just make sure it's just right and then going back to the room and feeding her and then waiting to her to finish and then burp her and then you know just struggle burping the kids sometimes they don't burp And you're there for like almost 30 minutes trying to burp them. And you finally do. And you put them to sleep. Finally close your eyes. And then 10 minutes later, they're up again. And it's all over again. And then diaper change. I remember telling my late wife before

44:00 when she was pregnant, I was like, I'll do everything, everything that you want me to do. just not change a diaper i think it was just because i think it was just because she was a baby girl and i know hot girls you know it could be sensitive right so for me it was like that's a lot of responsibility for me i don't know i don't know i'm up for it right and uh i was scared about that and i was like i'll do everything that you want me to do just don't change a diaper right and then guess what i had to change them you know it was all of them Yep, you had to change all of them. All of them. No break for me. So I remember that I would say shout out to, if anybody's listening from the UCI Irvine Medical Center, thank you so much for everything that you have given me and done for my child and for myself and prepared me. Because they definitely, I remember they were like, the nurses were like. You're going to learn how to change a diaper. And I'm like, I just came to visit my daughter, you know, be here with her. And I'm like, no, you're going to learn because you're going to need it. And I'm glad they did because they taught me. I remember the first time changing her at the hospital, the NICU. She had a blowout. I remember as soon I got baptized. Oh, yeah. As soon as I removed that, her diaper, it was like a, like a shotgun.

45:30 It was like. Boom. And it was like all over me, all over the medical equipment. I was embarrassed. I was like, oh, that was my girl doing that. I'm like, I felt so embarrassed. And they're like, no, don't worry about it. You're good. I cleaned her up. But that was a great experience. I was like, it can't get any worse than this. So let's do it. So then I learned how to change diapers and I became an expert. I mean, I was on it. You know, I loved it, you know, and for me, it was just like these are those special moments, right? These are the special moments that you look forward to. Well, isn't that interesting, right? Like I think for anybody that has had children, you can relate because being a parent, especially for a young child like that, is hard.

46:16 Like there's a lot of difficulty in it, not getting sleep and trying to find ways to. get them calm or to keep them happy when they can't speak and they can't communicate and changing dirty diapers. And, and, and yet, just like you said, like when, when you can reframe it and appreciated that those, like, those are the moments that you have with this precious little child, it can, it can make all the difference. It's, um, when I was, when I was kind of preparing for, um, for us visiting, I came across a quote from Viktor Frankl, who wrote Man's Search for Meaning. And he wrote, when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. And that just, as you were talking, it just reminded me exactly of that. I was like, that was the perfect quote for me to have put on here, because as you're talking about the situation that you're thrust into, and that you had an opportunity, you could either just... Kind of just continue to grieve and go into a hole and shut out the rest of the world and not take care of your daughter.

47:21 Or you could choose to find strength in your daughter's strength and to know that you had to be there for her. And then to find meaning in changing a blowout and changing a diaper and doing those things for her, which you did. Yeah, you nailed it. It was for me, it was just. It's easy to give up, right? But that wasn't the case. For me, that wasn't an option. This baby girl needed me. She needs me. And I had to step up. I had to step up. I had to change. I had to change my mentality. I needed to change everything, right? Everything. And my whole, the biggest change to me was my mindset, right? My mindset of just like, I've been blessed for all these opportunities. I've been blessed for a beautiful community that was always supporting me. I remember during the journey of trying to raise my daughter, people reaching out to me and saying how much they prayed for me and my daughter and being there for me. It was beautiful. And then just being there for my daughter and just being positive for her. To me, it was just I need to change this this mindset to a positivity. You know, I was given a second chance in life. You know, I could have also been dead, too. I could have

48:53 been struck with that vehicle as well. But I didn't. But I'm still here now. And I found my purpose, you know, to be the best father that I could possibly be. But yet be inspiration to this world. You know, I wanted to make sure that I use my story in a positive way. When I share my story, I do it for free. I don't do it for any financial gain. I don't do it for any publicity. No, I do this only to be able to inspire others. This is why I tell my story. I only tell my story to help others that are maybe struggling or maybe in a... in a down time and trying to find that, that light at the end of the tunnel, you know, and I found it, I found it. And all I'm doing is trying to help others find their purpose in life too. Yeah. I love that. And so, you know, one of the things too, that we, uh, we talked about preparing for this was what's our, what's our Disney movie tie -in going to be. Right.

50:04 And, uh, the one that, that really struck a chord for you was in Kanto. And there's just a lot of, you know, really great lessons we can learn from Encanto that parallel really, really closely with the story that you have. And one of the ones from the very beginning of the story, I think, kind of sets the stage exactly like it did for you, which is with Abuela. And when she's kind of telling the story at the beginning, she says, long ago, when my three babies had just been born, your abuelo Pedro and I were forced to flee our home. And though many joined us hoping to find a new home, we could not escape the dangers and your abuelo was lost. But in our darkest moment, we were given a miracle. You know, for you, why is that? What does that resonate for you and what your story is? My darkest times, my whole life changed. You know, we were planning, you know, a family. Maybe having more kids, having a beautiful home. We were thinking of where to move to, where we can buy a beautiful home, where we can raise our kids, building a future. And then all of a sudden, just my life turned upside down, turned into this darkness. But out of that darkness, light came into my world in the shape of my baby girl, my daughter. I can truly say I have a miracle as a daughter because she was

51:36 the miracle that I needed. She was the strength that I needed to find purpose again. And with Abuela, it's losing her husband. You lost your wife, obviously, and then she's got these three little babies that she's got to try to raise. And you've got your daughter that you've got to try to raise. And what's really this sweet moment in kind of this overarching journey, right, of Encanto. And maybe you can weigh in, too, on kind of how it evolves over the course of the movie relating to the stuff that you do. But at the very end, when they're finally kind of rebuilding the casita after it kind of— Collapses.

52:20 Yeah, after it collapsed. And there's this song called All of You. And in it, Abuela's kind of— come into some realizations about things right about how you know maybe she could have done things a little bit different after having gotten that miracle and loving her family so much but but maybe some mistakes she made and part of the song she says and i'm sorry i held on too tight just so afraid i'd lose you too the miracle is not some magic that you've got the miracle is you not some gift just you The miracle is you. And so as I hear your story, so much of that is just like you said, you know, your daughter is the miracle. It's not about some gift, some external talent she has. Like she is a miracle.

53:03 You are the miracle because you just as easily could have lost your life as well. But you didn't. It's now you become a miracle and she's a miracle. And it's just so wonderful that you're willing to share this story that you have. of kind of what you experienced, because it is something so difficult that you went through, and yet you're using it for good. You've been able to create this beautiful life that you have for you and for your daughter and gain this great appreciation for what life is because you were given this gift. What other things from Encanto really resonate for you? Was there any other parts of the story that... You really liked from Encanto that you feel, you know, are either parallels to your story that you learned from. Yeah, I would say, you know, my daughter, she looked so like Mirabel with her short curly hair and just her stature.

54:06 We used to watch it all the time, and she loved Encanto. We even did one of her birthdays, Encanto theme, and I even dressed up like Bruno. I remember we gone to Boogie Bash, and she was dressed like Encanto. I was Bruno as well. So I did a lot for her, you know, just great memories to build with her. And what I love so much about that movie was, yes, I would say Abuela's story. And then seeing Adeline, my daughter, being like Mirabel, you know, like finding, trying to find herself, you know, trying to find herself in a house full of people that have these extraordinary powers and blessings. Right. And she's just trying to find her. She's trying to find her purpose.

54:59 But yet she's so supportive of her family. You know, regardless that she has powers or no powers, she always cared about her family. She always put her family first. And that's what I noticed a lot with my daughter. She has so much love to give. You know, she's so loving. You know, she's that little person that lights up the room. You know, hugs random strangers. Just really kind and really loving. And I love that. That she has no mommy, that she will never get to meet her mommy. She still knows what love is.

55:42 She still knows how to give love. And I remember every time, every little moment, like she hugs me and she embraces me and she's like, I love you, daddy. And it's like the most beautiful thing. Those are the moments that are worth all the sacrifices. All the pain, everything I went through, were those very moments. Those are the moments that I cherish most. I think it's such a great reminder for us that those are the moments to cherish. You know, when I think about my two little girls, they're 10 and 6, and one of my favorite things in the world. is when I come home from work and they just run up to me and give me a big hug just because I'm their dad and they love me and they tell me they love me and they give me that hug and it's just the moments in life that bring us such great joy because life is not always easy. Sometimes life has challenges and sometimes... Huge challenges like you had.

56:56 Immense, like you don't know how you could possibly overcome those challenges. And yet there's these moments in life that remind us that life is worth living and that we can find joy and we can find happiness even when we go through trials, which we all do. And not many of us will go through a trial like you did. But we all have trials. And knowing that you had the strength to overcome the trial you did, it makes it for the rest of us like, okay, I can do it too. You know, I can overcome a little thing that I've got, a difficulty at work or a difficult relationship, that I can still overcome it. I can still find happiness and joy, even though I might have these little challenges that come up in life. Absolutely.

57:43 I agree. Sometimes we're so busy with life that we take it for granted. We take those little special moments for granted. That's why I always say, you know, when the other fathers, you know, like, or they ever reach out to me, you know, I always tell them, like, just dedicate at least 20 minutes of your time a day, right? Those 20 minutes will feel like an eternity for them. You know, they won't care that you were gone. For eight to ten hours at work. All they look forward to. Throughout their day. Is that. Little bit of time that they have with their dad. Dedicated.

58:30 Solely. All their attention to them. Like. It's the best feeling. And I always try to do that all the time. Just dedicate every. A little segment that I possibly can add for my daughter, just give them. And, you know, now that I have a growing family, a newborn, and I try to embed that same mentality with our newborn. You know, I'm dedicating, spending time changing his diaper. You know, he's being so excited while I'm changing his diaper and licking up and he's just giggling. And I love it. It's just those are the moments that you cherish, right? This is the moments why you wanted to become a father. It's a beautiful thing. And I'm glad you brought that out, too, because, you know, a huge congratulations on having having your little one, another little miracle that you have in your life and, you know, the joy and happiness that that will continue to bring. And how does your how does your how does your daughter like having a little brother?

59:34 She loves it. Yeah, she loves it. Yes. I think that's what made me step out into the world. I remember at the time our neighbor had a daughter. So they had a baby girl and then my daughter holding the baby for the first time. And I could see, I even have a video where her eyes just lit up, holding the baby, just embracing the baby, being so gentle. And it just made me realize, like, I was so determined to... Live a life of just being her and I, right? Just kind of living a life of just, I'll be content with just having my daughter. Not realizing what she wanted. And what I saw with my daughter is that she wanted a family. She wanted siblings. And at that moment, I was like, I think I'm just being selfish, right?

1:00:34 I wasn't thinking about her and what she wanted in this life. And I was like, I think it's time. It's already been five years. I think I grieved enough, you know, in a sense of just, if I wait longer, then it's going to be a little harder for her, you know. And I decided to put myself out there and I found an amazing partner that supports me, that's there for me. I love her with all my heart. She's been there for me, understands what I went through and what I'm going through. you know, she always supported me, you know, she's always been there and she embraced my daughter as one of her own. And she's been a great mother figure. And, um, even though sometimes we bump heads and we don't, you know, we don't, we don't coordinate, but yet I know her good intentions, you know, she's always been good to my daughter and teaching her well. And, and I've been truly appreciative of her and, um, found out that, you know, She was pregnant, and I couldn't believe it because I was like, man, I never expected to be a father again. So having to become a father again was a beautiful thing, a beautiful feeling.

1:01:50 I'm blessed and a miracle again. And then to find out it was a baby boy, I was like, yes, now I can be able to experience having a boy, being a boy dad now. So it's been a beautiful journey. you know changing diapers again and enjoying the little moments and my daughter embracing him and she loves him she sings to him all the time oh cute yes so she sings to him all the time and it's a beautiful bond and you know having a stepson as well you know uh having all those ties in so it's it's kind of like i would say it's been beautiful to kind of put on the different dad type jobs in a sense of being That father for my daughter, being there supportive, you know, as she's growing up, trying to figure out who she is. And then change the hat to be kind of being that supportive dad for the stepson that, you know, he's older. So being there for him and then putting on that hat of that newborn that needs me as well. And it's helping my partner.

1:02:59 So it's been a journey. It's been challenges at times. I'm truly blessed. I'm truly thankful. Like in the movie Encanto, you know, at the end, like you mentioned, you know, the miracle is you. I feel like that sometimes we take for granted of what we have. And we're so focused on making sure that we're trying to do our best and trying to live life the best we can. But at the end of the day, what matters most is being at home and being with your family. and cherish one another, right? Yeah. Powers or no powers, right? So that's me. That's me when I come home, enjoy all the kids and, you know, spend time and be in the backyard playing catch and playing baseball.

1:03:54 You know, that's what really life is about. So that's why I love about Encanto. It just really brings me back to what's important. and uh perspiration right it's it's a being able to overcome uh something horrific into something beautiful so that's why i love that movie so much so let me ask you uh kind of one final question before we go to our our this or that segment yeah what did you what do you feel like you learned about love that you really couldn't have learned Had you not gone through this experience. Oh man. Let's see.

1:04:49 I would say that. I would say. Love will find you. Even when you're not looking. That sometimes when you think you give up on love, love will find you. And love comes in different forms and shapes. I never expected to fall in love again, to find a partner again, but I did. And it's a beautiful thing. And I think that's what I learned the most. I think it's more of like...

1:05:32 Love can overcome anything. Anger, grief, pain. Yeah, because you've had your fair share. You've had your fair share of that. And I love that. I love that. So what we'll do then is let's move to our this or that segment. All right. You ready for this? I'm ready. Okay. So, you know, you might have some controversial opinions on these this or that. So we'll have to see if you can challenge those if you do. All right, so the first one, this or that, Mirabel or Abuela? Oh, Mirabel. Okay, okay. Look, she's like, Mirabel is such a great character. She's just the best.

1:06:18 It's because she looks just like, she looked like my daughter. So that's why I'm like. How can you not? Yeah, how can you not? I see the movie and I see my daughter. So yeah, Mirabel. I know I have love for Abuelita, but Mirabel. How about Bruno or Casita? Oh, my gosh. Oof. Oof. You know what? Jeez. Jeez, jeez, jeez. Oh, man. Oh, jeez. Okay. Bruno or Casita? Dang. I would say oof. Sorry, Bruno, but I say Casita. Casita's so fun. It's like such a character in and of itself. And so sweet with Mirabel too, right? Like Mirabel and Casita had this great relationship together. They just did a great job with Casita. I just feel like Casita was kind of like that spirit that kind of guided them, right? It's that little oomph that they needed. And I think that's why I resonate more with Casita because... I always felt this energy, and I don't know if it's her present, my late wife present, always guiding me. And it's so funny because you mentioned that. Sorry to interrupt that real quickly. You know, sometimes, I don't know, I'm very superstitious like that, but when I notice, like, butterflies or a hummingbird, you know, and I always be like, that's her. That's her checking in on us, see if we're okay. And

1:07:51 sometimes it was the most random things, and sometimes when I'm, like, struggling with something. I'm like, I don't know what to do. And then she would pop up and she'd be like, I would see the white, uh, butterfly. And I'm like, I could get through this. Yeah. He has my back, you know? So that's how I feel about it. Yeah. I love that. It's perfect. It's been an absolute pleasure to visit with you. I'm so inspired by you. Um, I am inspired by your strength. by your character, by the love that you show for those around you, for how you freely share your gift, which is you and which is your daughter. It's been so lovely to visit with you. I appreciate your time.

1:08:34 As you leave this conversation, remember that yes, the past can hurt and you can either run from it or you can learn from it. So here's to learning and finding joy in the journey. See you real soon.